1944: A writing post, with an attempt at less whining...

So, strieson has started his "Skulls & Shackles" campaign, and I believe that I'm taking to a N Half-Elf Storm Druid with the Mark of Storm (from Eberron) a lot easier than I originally thought possible. Of course, my character (Morogh Tiofin, loosely translated from Scottish Gaelic as "man of the stormy seas") refers to himself as a storm shaman, but that's beside the point.

The game was a fascinating one, in which we'd been shanghaied. My character, who grew up on the coast, realized that compliance until the time was right was the best way to survive the situation. As a result, he is poised to take control of the situation, should it become necessary. My only regret was that my attention was hard to hold, for some reason or another. Still, we made it to 10pm, which is a win in my book.

This brings me back around to what I want to do for my next game, or if I want to do a next game at all. Indeed, the "Reign of Winter" adventure path currently running in Paizo's Pathfinder looks enjoyable as hell, what with traveling all over, visiting far distant places, seeing places much closer to home, and interacting with lots of cold weather and monsters. The one thing that I cannot get over is the question that continually nudges me:

"Why not read the whole adventure path, and write a story based on it, instead of running it? You will have more control over the direction you wish to take the story, then."

This is a fascinating idea, but there is something fundamentally enjoyable about sitting down at a table with others and hammering out the story as we go. Perhaps, instead of wanting to make it a story, I want to find a different group of people with whom to play the adventure path?

I cannot be sure, but I only have two volumes of the adventure path so far. I have two sourcebooks to aid making the whole story more cohesive as well. I could very well surprise myself, but some part of me wants a new "cast" to share this story with.

...and to be perfectly honest, part of me wants to create a new story, as a story, with a cast of my own creation, for whoever chooses to go along with them.

32: ...and the road goes on forever...

It has been a long, long time since I last posted in this journal. Yet, tonight, I am compelled to record an entry.

In the.. *checks* 18 months since I last posted, my spirituality has undergone a surprising amount of maturation and metamorphosis.

When I last posted in here, I was convinced that I was on the way to becoming a minister for Summerland Grove Pagan Church. I had settled myself upon a path that was definitely Heathen. I was living alone and was finally beginning to feel like I had things figured out.

...I also was starting a new job as a Customer Service Manager for a major grocery retailer. That affected me in ways I could not expect, and won't get into tonight.

In the last 18 months, I also found another person that I could ask for insights and help regarding my path. However, I also found that this same person was not the teacher I had assumed, and I had no choice but to move on (and that's all I'm going to say about that).

At the beginning of this year, I found myself in an absolutely alien, yet strangely familiar, position: I could best describe my path as "humanist" or "atheist". I wasn't depressed or angry, and I found that I valued the words of those such as Carl Sagan, Bill Nye, or Neil Tyson far more than any words of spirituality from one of my many books on paganism. I took down all of the pagan trappings in my home, and boxed them up in my closet.

To confuse matters further, though, I also went to our local spiritual supply house, and bought six candles. Three were for my existing Norse deities (Freyja, Odin, and Thor). The other three, however, were for Celtic deities I'd acknowledged, and paid tribute to, but never considered seriously (Aine, Brigid, and the Morrigan). I put these candles in my closet, and forgot about them for almost a month.

Then, I got them out, unpacked some of my altar trappings, and set up a small, mini-altar in my room. I did this very quietly, because it felt like the proper thing to do. I wouldn't even put a name on what I was doing. I just decided that doing so felt good. I left my horn and my hammer put away.

So, I'm in a curious crossroads. On the one hand, I am happily a humanist who values logic, reason, science, and fact. On the other, I feel that there is some kind of spirituality there for me, but it could be that it doesn't conform to anything I've come to expect. My first-sister, Jun, suggested that my spirituality might very well be for the universe itself, and that logic, reason, and fact are ways I show my devotion. Actually, she didn't say that last part, but it sure feels like how it'd work.

So, to sum it up:

• I no longer identify as pagan currently.


• I don't yet identify as atheist/humanist.


• I no longer feel that the Norse deities, particularly Odin, Frigga, Freyja, Freyr, Thor, and Heimdall, are the best fit for me now. (Interesting choice for word instead of "anymore".)


• I have felt a pull from the Celtic deities, particularly Aine, Brigid, and the Morrigan (as Macha, Anu, Badb), but still am unsure if they are the best fit for me, either.


• Space/the Cosmos/the Universe, Logic/Reason/Fact, Science, and Music (of all things) are the things that motivate me in ways that are closest to the way I felt when I was a practicing pagan. Yet, they do not have deity associations, which confuses the issue for me.


• I have a small mini-altar up with both Norse and Celtic deities.

When I know more, I'll share it here.

Addendum to those things which spiritually motivate me: Storms. Regardless of strength, I find storms to be so absolutely breathtakingly spiritual that I would go out more often, if my neighbors wouldn't think I was insane. :)