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I really should already be in bed, but the gods (and my own sense of order) demanded that I clean my place first. Since I'm still up, I thought I'd share a couple of interesting thoughts regarding my (lack of) path.
As I mentioned before, I had a moment where I made a completely new altar while I was on vacation, and it felt right. I still have it up, and am pleased with it. However, something has changed in the month since I put it back up. I have moved the Celtic deity candles off of it. You see, having them there didn't feel "wrong", per se, but I felt like I was missing a point somewhere. One day, I was looking at my altar, and I was struck by the realization that the Celtic deities are tied to me by blood. That is, they are in my mother's heritage, and so they are in mine.
However, the Norse deities speak more loudly to me (metaphorically speaking, of course -- something about them feels more "right"). While I think both can lay a claim to me by heritage (maternal side is Scottish, Irish, German; paternal side is English, at the very least), I think my active decision to worship the Norse brought them to prominence.
Yes, I said "worship". While I am hedging my bets and refusing to classify what I am doing, I can at least say that I am not an atheist. In fact, my hypothesis about being one because of a fear of worshipping the wrong gods or doing it wrong, is probably pretty accurate, but I have more soul-searching to do before I say that is the case for sure. I do know that the idea of paying homage to the Norse deities brings me a feeling of happiness, even without any tangible results. Regardless of why I worship, or what deity I choose to worship, I gather a distinct sense of calm and peace from my choices, so I have chosen to not question it, at least until science can prove otherwise. (I remain a proud scientific skeptic. No, they aren't contradictory. If science disproves something my path believes, then I will alter my path accordingly. Questioning why is vital to our existence on this planet, and I don't intend to give that up for even a second.)
At any rate, I decided to move my Celtic deity candles to a new location, and make them part of my ancestor's altar. For the time being, that is back on the fireplace mantle as it was before, but I want to find a better permanent place. This feels very good, though, almost like I have figured at least one thing out.
Also, I have had a golden statue of what appears to be Idunna since May Day last year. I felt such an urge to get it last year that it was almost a moral imperative. Ricky even talked to Champagne about getting it after her tent was closed for the night. Last year, I said, "oh, that's not Idunna. It's Freyja," and I made it the centerpiece of my altar. Earlier this year, even when I was looking to put my altar back together, I said, "Oh, I was being silly. That couldn't be anyone but Idunna."
However, while doing some random research online, I discovered that Wagner blended the two goddesses together in his Ring Cycle. That is, while it's clearly Idunna, there is precedent for identifying it as Freyja instead of, or in addition to, Idunna. That settled in my mind in such a way that I would almost swear I "heard" a voice saying, "see? you weren't being silly."
Finally, I've begun reading Travels Through Middle-Earth: The Path of a Saxon Pagan, on Brian's suggestion, when he heard my description of my mental idyllic pagan experience (which is thus far, only in my head). While I still prefer the Scandinavian names to the Saxon names for the deities, this almost feels like a better fit. I'm Heathen, but I still acknowledge from where my heritage comes. Another interesting thing, at least to my mind? I flipped through to the list of deities it gave: Sunne, Mona, Eostre, Tiw, Woden, Frigge, Thunor, Hama, Freo, Ing Freo. Put another way: Sun, Moon, Ostara, Tyr, Odin, Frigga, Thor, Heimdall, Freyja, Freyr. From Odin onward, every one of those gods were ones I named specificially for my New Year's Eve ritual back in 2011-12, when I made a list of oaths. Meanwhile, Tyr was the first god I was drawn to. Fascinating coincidence, if coincidence it is. Sometimes, a duck is a duck, but this has me wondering, at least a little.
At any rate, I was working on this far longer than I expected to be doing so. I hope it clears up some questions, if you had them. I have far more I need to address in this and my other blogs, but this begged attention first. :)
Good night, all, and may you wake wiser, happier, and more alive than today...
As I mentioned before, I had a moment where I made a completely new altar while I was on vacation, and it felt right. I still have it up, and am pleased with it. However, something has changed in the month since I put it back up. I have moved the Celtic deity candles off of it. You see, having them there didn't feel "wrong", per se, but I felt like I was missing a point somewhere. One day, I was looking at my altar, and I was struck by the realization that the Celtic deities are tied to me by blood. That is, they are in my mother's heritage, and so they are in mine.
However, the Norse deities speak more loudly to me (metaphorically speaking, of course -- something about them feels more "right"). While I think both can lay a claim to me by heritage (maternal side is Scottish, Irish, German; paternal side is English, at the very least), I think my active decision to worship the Norse brought them to prominence.
Yes, I said "worship". While I am hedging my bets and refusing to classify what I am doing, I can at least say that I am not an atheist. In fact, my hypothesis about being one because of a fear of worshipping the wrong gods or doing it wrong, is probably pretty accurate, but I have more soul-searching to do before I say that is the case for sure. I do know that the idea of paying homage to the Norse deities brings me a feeling of happiness, even without any tangible results. Regardless of why I worship, or what deity I choose to worship, I gather a distinct sense of calm and peace from my choices, so I have chosen to not question it, at least until science can prove otherwise. (I remain a proud scientific skeptic. No, they aren't contradictory. If science disproves something my path believes, then I will alter my path accordingly. Questioning why is vital to our existence on this planet, and I don't intend to give that up for even a second.)
At any rate, I decided to move my Celtic deity candles to a new location, and make them part of my ancestor's altar. For the time being, that is back on the fireplace mantle as it was before, but I want to find a better permanent place. This feels very good, though, almost like I have figured at least one thing out.
Also, I have had a golden statue of what appears to be Idunna since May Day last year. I felt such an urge to get it last year that it was almost a moral imperative. Ricky even talked to Champagne about getting it after her tent was closed for the night. Last year, I said, "oh, that's not Idunna. It's Freyja," and I made it the centerpiece of my altar. Earlier this year, even when I was looking to put my altar back together, I said, "Oh, I was being silly. That couldn't be anyone but Idunna."
However, while doing some random research online, I discovered that Wagner blended the two goddesses together in his Ring Cycle. That is, while it's clearly Idunna, there is precedent for identifying it as Freyja instead of, or in addition to, Idunna. That settled in my mind in such a way that I would almost swear I "heard" a voice saying, "see? you weren't being silly."
Finally, I've begun reading Travels Through Middle-Earth: The Path of a Saxon Pagan, on Brian's suggestion, when he heard my description of my mental idyllic pagan experience (which is thus far, only in my head). While I still prefer the Scandinavian names to the Saxon names for the deities, this almost feels like a better fit. I'm Heathen, but I still acknowledge from where my heritage comes. Another interesting thing, at least to my mind? I flipped through to the list of deities it gave: Sunne, Mona, Eostre, Tiw, Woden, Frigge, Thunor, Hama, Freo, Ing Freo. Put another way: Sun, Moon, Ostara, Tyr, Odin, Frigga, Thor, Heimdall, Freyja, Freyr. From Odin onward, every one of those gods were ones I named specificially for my New Year's Eve ritual back in 2011-12, when I made a list of oaths. Meanwhile, Tyr was the first god I was drawn to. Fascinating coincidence, if coincidence it is. Sometimes, a duck is a duck, but this has me wondering, at least a little.
At any rate, I was working on this far longer than I expected to be doing so. I hope it clears up some questions, if you had them. I have far more I need to address in this and my other blogs, but this begged attention first. :)
Good night, all, and may you wake wiser, happier, and more alive than today...
