![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Three.
In the last month, I have run three D&D games. The last two sessions were the same adventure for different groups, but I have run three games. I haven't had this much fun doing this in a considerable count of years. I am already brainstorming what I want to study and prepare for my next game. Sure, I am running "one-shots" rather than a campaign, but I am still running something, and I had little to no idea just how much that mattered to me.
You see, the last time I ran a game where I wasn't exhausted mentally or physically, or one where I wasn't walking into the session doubting my ability to run a game, was very likely long enough ago that W was still president. Seriously, I think the last time I had such unqualified fun running a game might have been Silver Marches, which I ran from 2002-3. I'm willing to consider the times in 2018 in which I ran some actual Red Box D&D, particularly the night I ran Palace of the Silver Princess, to be very similar as well, but only these three recent sessions really tapped that sheer unbridled joy of creating a story and watching my players react to what I unfolded.
I feel grounded and strangely fulfilled. It even carries over to my regular life. While this feeling and mindset is probably intrinsic to my new worldview of deity and who/what I revere, I am elated for that feeling to begin to carry through to other areas of my life. I can't say that I'm giddy or riding some kind of high, either. I've had moments where I've been angry, sad, frustrated, and irritated, but they don't seem to own me. In a less metaphysical sense, you might say that I finally got out of my own way, and allowed myself to truly encounter joy.
Now, I can think of two things some may be asking. First, how do you know this isn't some kind of "peak" emotional wave, and the crash will be coming soon? Second, what the hell does this have to do with running games?
I can't be sure that I'm not on some upswing in mood, and that this is somewhat artificial in nature, but I feel like it's a more persistent mood. After all, I realize I have an undercurrent of joy, even when I'm sad, lonely, nervous, or angry. That is, no matter how BAD things appear to be, I have finally deciphered that ephemeral detail that allows me to truly Understand that it's all transient and cyclical. So, I just ride the wave and wait for it all to come back around. I know that sounds REALLY bat-shit crazy, but it's the best way that I can describe it. Take the other night, for example. I had had a pretty good evening, but I got to thinking about some of my close friends no longer being around, for one reason or another, and I began to feel down. Rather than falling into an absolute black funk, I took solace from our times together as I also mourned the lack of new adventures to come, and used my energy to direct myself to bed.
That is absolutely something I never have really done before. Sure, I'd have those melancholy moments, but they tended to be tipping points into real depression and bleak despair. I am taking heart that this change is a sign of things as they will be, if not a sign of how they are becoming.
The second question is not nearly as off-the-wall. All of the rest of this post is an attempt to explain just how I now feel when I run a game. It is fulfilling and enjoyable, even if things don't go exactly as I'd like (for example, I would've really liked to have had a voice last night, so I could try some different voices for the various NPCs the group ran into). I no longer have such a deep-seated feeling that it has to go like X or it was a failure, and that is absolutely tremendous for me.
So, I want to consider what my options are for another game. I could happily plan another D&D 5e game or plan something else. My options are nigh boundless:
So many choices, and I have the delightful task of determining what I'm going to do next. Chances are actually pretty good that I will prep Trust No One, but one of the others is absolutely going to get put on my to-do list. I want to milk this feeling as fully as possible, and if it means I am running a bunch of adventures this year for a diverse mix of players, then I'll take it.
* - These were the two one-shots I ran in the last month.
In the last month, I have run three D&D games. The last two sessions were the same adventure for different groups, but I have run three games. I haven't had this much fun doing this in a considerable count of years. I am already brainstorming what I want to study and prepare for my next game. Sure, I am running "one-shots" rather than a campaign, but I am still running something, and I had little to no idea just how much that mattered to me.
You see, the last time I ran a game where I wasn't exhausted mentally or physically, or one where I wasn't walking into the session doubting my ability to run a game, was very likely long enough ago that W was still president. Seriously, I think the last time I had such unqualified fun running a game might have been Silver Marches, which I ran from 2002-3. I'm willing to consider the times in 2018 in which I ran some actual Red Box D&D, particularly the night I ran Palace of the Silver Princess, to be very similar as well, but only these three recent sessions really tapped that sheer unbridled joy of creating a story and watching my players react to what I unfolded.
I feel grounded and strangely fulfilled. It even carries over to my regular life. While this feeling and mindset is probably intrinsic to my new worldview of deity and who/what I revere, I am elated for that feeling to begin to carry through to other areas of my life. I can't say that I'm giddy or riding some kind of high, either. I've had moments where I've been angry, sad, frustrated, and irritated, but they don't seem to own me. In a less metaphysical sense, you might say that I finally got out of my own way, and allowed myself to truly encounter joy.
Now, I can think of two things some may be asking. First, how do you know this isn't some kind of "peak" emotional wave, and the crash will be coming soon? Second, what the hell does this have to do with running games?
I can't be sure that I'm not on some upswing in mood, and that this is somewhat artificial in nature, but I feel like it's a more persistent mood. After all, I realize I have an undercurrent of joy, even when I'm sad, lonely, nervous, or angry. That is, no matter how BAD things appear to be, I have finally deciphered that ephemeral detail that allows me to truly Understand that it's all transient and cyclical. So, I just ride the wave and wait for it all to come back around. I know that sounds REALLY bat-shit crazy, but it's the best way that I can describe it. Take the other night, for example. I had had a pretty good evening, but I got to thinking about some of my close friends no longer being around, for one reason or another, and I began to feel down. Rather than falling into an absolute black funk, I took solace from our times together as I also mourned the lack of new adventures to come, and used my energy to direct myself to bed.
That is absolutely something I never have really done before. Sure, I'd have those melancholy moments, but they tended to be tipping points into real depression and bleak despair. I am taking heart that this change is a sign of things as they will be, if not a sign of how they are becoming.
The second question is not nearly as off-the-wall. All of the rest of this post is an attempt to explain just how I now feel when I run a game. It is fulfilling and enjoyable, even if things don't go exactly as I'd like (for example, I would've really liked to have had a voice last night, so I could try some different voices for the various NPCs the group ran into). I no longer have such a deep-seated feeling that it has to go like X or it was a failure, and that is absolutely tremendous for me.
So, I want to consider what my options are for another game. I could happily plan another D&D 5e game or plan something else. My options are nigh boundless:
- Trust No One, an Eberron adventure that is a followup to Curtain Call*
- Storm King's Thunder, a level 5-10 adventure that spins out of Cloud Giant's Bargain*
- Waterdeep: Dragon Heist, a level 1-5 mini-campaign set in Waterdeep, in the Forgotten Realms
- Sharn: Galifar Heist, a conversion of the previous adventure, customized for Sharn, set in Eberron
- New Bonds and Ancient Quarrels, an adventure set in Nostria for The Dark Eye
- A quickstart adventure for RuneQuest 2e, because I've always wanted to try that system out
- Carrion Crown, a six-part Pathfinder campaign that I've been meaning to run in its entirety for 8 years now
- A1: Assault on Blacktooth Ridge, a level 1 adventure for Castles & Crusades (an OSR that blends d20 with Red Box D&D, and which I borrowed elements of for the night I ran Palace of the Silver Princess)
- Run a game -- be it D&D 5e, The Dark Eye, Castles & Crusades -- and just react to what the players choose; a sandbox.
So many choices, and I have the delightful task of determining what I'm going to do next. Chances are actually pretty good that I will prep Trust No One, but one of the others is absolutely going to get put on my to-do list. I want to milk this feeling as fully as possible, and if it means I am running a bunch of adventures this year for a diverse mix of players, then I'll take it.
* - These were the two one-shots I ran in the last month.
