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I spent my day off today doing nothing but downloading songs from iTunes (that I already paid for -- iTunes now allows you to redownload things you've purchased), and watching movies. Wow, have I been watching movies today. Let's see. I started the day with "The Hangover", then watched "Problem Child". Next, I found "She's Out of My League". Finally, I gave in and ordered "Rango" via OnDemand. All were great, and I am thoroughly glad I had the chance to watch "Rango", and it was a darned hoot of a good time (the Spirit of the West scene alone was killer).
The movie that had me thinking was "She's Out of My League". Those of you who know me well enough, know how I tend to view myself in general. I definitely identified with Kirk, a 20-something who had never gone to college, felt stuck at his dead-end job, was unlucky in love, and felt like he would never accomplish his dreams. I'll point out that Alice Eve, who played Molly1, is also beautiful, and the character was very likable, so it was really easy to feel the movie (as a result, that is a movie that I am going to pick up on DVD/Blu-Ray sooner or later -- one of the first movies to pass the "is it good enough to BUY?" litmus test I came up with a year or two ago... but I digress).
Oddly, what I took away from the movie wasn't just the feeling of melancholy of watching someone else achieve their dreams2, but that I couldn't escape the feeling I *was* watching me onscreen. Having a third person POV to how I feel that I carry myself was definitely eye-opening. I'm not trying to jinx things, but I felt like I had been given a piece of the puzzle that is what goes on in my head. The movie oddly touched on many things that bother me, and getting a chance to see it outside myself put it in perspective.
Now, I'm not even remotely trying to say that "She's Out of My League" is high art, or even a movie most folks would enjoy. Rather, it's the movie I needed to see when I needed to see it. I've been trying to move on in my love life recently, and I have felt like I'm doing it all wrong. It really hurt my feelings, and I know I've hurt others with the way I handled things, but I feel like I'm seeing more of the picture. I need to work on me first, and while I shouldn't ignore potential romance, I also shouldn't seek it out. Not yet. Put another way, I need to be open to it happening, but not pursue it. Huh, that sounds rather familiar. *facepalm*
(The following is NOT related to anyone in particular, but things I have been thinking. Don't look for insult where none resides.) I have things I look for in a romantic partner, and I am learning that reality isn't as tidy as my imagination. I have to make allowances for things, and compromise on certain details. However, if I compromise on everything, how can I be happy, really? I should consider what constitute deal-breakers for me, and stick to my guns. Dating someone isn't a contract. Hell, unless both parties agree, it shouldn't even count as serious enough to be exclusive. So, I shouldn't feel like I *have* to stick it out with someone just because we made out or spent an evening together. That's my inexperience talking.
Aside from that, I also realize that I am no longer content with just plodding along where my health/weight is concerned. I had a fantastic plan started last January, and stuck to it really damned well until around June. Then, I was out all the time, and it was easier to grab fast food, and I paid for it. I already owe my sister-teacher a meal at Logan's, where I have to get a salad while she eats a steak (or whatever she wants). I am most assuredly NOT happy with how I've been buying food for my apartment. That's the ironic bit. I have always claimed that I slip into the eating habits of my roommates, but aside from 6 weeks with someone, I've been here alone. I have no one to blame but myself. I like ice cream and pizza and soda and beer and burgers, though. Yet, I had a wake-up call when I was at Burger King with my friend, Scott yesterday.
We went inside3, and I saw their nutritional information on the wall. Seeing some of the numbers at a glance, I mentally tallied my "favorite" meal from there: Double Whopper with cheese, large Onion Rings, and large Vanilla Milkshake. My blood ran cold when I realized what THAT meal cost:
That is absolutely unacceptable. I'd have cancelled my order, if I wasn't so hungry. Ironically, they fucked service up so badly (cold/soggy fries/rings, wrong stuff on burger, fucking PINK IN THE MIDDLE of the burger), that neither Scott nor I actually ate our food. I nuked the patties, and munched those, but still.
I want to improve myself financially as well, but I don't go into details about THAT online. Suffice to say I want to do better, know I can do better, and can still maintain a happy social life while adhering to a budget.
Well, that's most of what's running through my head right now. It's a jumble, and I'm sure there's something that I missed, but I decided that it was past time to share. Who knows? Maybe someone I know out there will have advice or say something I need to hear..
1 -- Why is it that the name "Molly" makes my blood move just a bit faster?
2 -- Bringing up that reality would mean they'd argue and possibly break up -- or actually live happily ever after -- is another post altogether.
3 -- I don't believe in multiple orders from one car in a drive-thru. It's discourteous.
The movie that had me thinking was "She's Out of My League". Those of you who know me well enough, know how I tend to view myself in general. I definitely identified with Kirk, a 20-something who had never gone to college, felt stuck at his dead-end job, was unlucky in love, and felt like he would never accomplish his dreams. I'll point out that Alice Eve, who played Molly1, is also beautiful, and the character was very likable, so it was really easy to feel the movie (as a result, that is a movie that I am going to pick up on DVD/Blu-Ray sooner or later -- one of the first movies to pass the "is it good enough to BUY?" litmus test I came up with a year or two ago... but I digress).
Oddly, what I took away from the movie wasn't just the feeling of melancholy of watching someone else achieve their dreams2, but that I couldn't escape the feeling I *was* watching me onscreen. Having a third person POV to how I feel that I carry myself was definitely eye-opening. I'm not trying to jinx things, but I felt like I had been given a piece of the puzzle that is what goes on in my head. The movie oddly touched on many things that bother me, and getting a chance to see it outside myself put it in perspective.
Now, I'm not even remotely trying to say that "She's Out of My League" is high art, or even a movie most folks would enjoy. Rather, it's the movie I needed to see when I needed to see it. I've been trying to move on in my love life recently, and I have felt like I'm doing it all wrong. It really hurt my feelings, and I know I've hurt others with the way I handled things, but I feel like I'm seeing more of the picture. I need to work on me first, and while I shouldn't ignore potential romance, I also shouldn't seek it out. Not yet. Put another way, I need to be open to it happening, but not pursue it. Huh, that sounds rather familiar. *facepalm*
(The following is NOT related to anyone in particular, but things I have been thinking. Don't look for insult where none resides.) I have things I look for in a romantic partner, and I am learning that reality isn't as tidy as my imagination. I have to make allowances for things, and compromise on certain details. However, if I compromise on everything, how can I be happy, really? I should consider what constitute deal-breakers for me, and stick to my guns. Dating someone isn't a contract. Hell, unless both parties agree, it shouldn't even count as serious enough to be exclusive. So, I shouldn't feel like I *have* to stick it out with someone just because we made out or spent an evening together. That's my inexperience talking.
Aside from that, I also realize that I am no longer content with just plodding along where my health/weight is concerned. I had a fantastic plan started last January, and stuck to it really damned well until around June. Then, I was out all the time, and it was easier to grab fast food, and I paid for it. I already owe my sister-teacher a meal at Logan's, where I have to get a salad while she eats a steak (or whatever she wants). I am most assuredly NOT happy with how I've been buying food for my apartment. That's the ironic bit. I have always claimed that I slip into the eating habits of my roommates, but aside from 6 weeks with someone, I've been here alone. I have no one to blame but myself. I like ice cream and pizza and soda and beer and burgers, though. Yet, I had a wake-up call when I was at Burger King with my friend, Scott yesterday.
We went inside3, and I saw their nutritional information on the wall. Seeing some of the numbers at a glance, I mentally tallied my "favorite" meal from there: Double Whopper with cheese, large Onion Rings, and large Vanilla Milkshake. My blood ran cold when I realized what THAT meal cost:
OVER 2100 calories, BY THEMSELVES.
No drink, no ketchup to dip stuff in, no breakfast/lunch. Just 3 fuckin' items.
No drink, no ketchup to dip stuff in, no breakfast/lunch. Just 3 fuckin' items.
That is absolutely unacceptable. I'd have cancelled my order, if I wasn't so hungry. Ironically, they fucked service up so badly (cold/soggy fries/rings, wrong stuff on burger, fucking PINK IN THE MIDDLE of the burger), that neither Scott nor I actually ate our food. I nuked the patties, and munched those, but still.
I want to improve myself financially as well, but I don't go into details about THAT online. Suffice to say I want to do better, know I can do better, and can still maintain a happy social life while adhering to a budget.
Well, that's most of what's running through my head right now. It's a jumble, and I'm sure there's something that I missed, but I decided that it was past time to share. Who knows? Maybe someone I know out there will have advice or say something I need to hear..
1 -- Why is it that the name "Molly" makes my blood move just a bit faster?
2 -- Bringing up that reality would mean they'd argue and possibly break up -- or actually live happily ever after -- is another post altogether.
3 -- I don't believe in multiple orders from one car in a drive-thru. It's discourteous.
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