1946: Sunday evening..

I worked 10a-7p today. I felt that today was very fulfilling. I busted ass, and I felt like I made progress in making sure people realized that it's my front end, not theirs. Without even being a jerk about it, I made sure my accounting clerk took care of business, and kept everyone on-task. It was almost fun.

Of course, I also posted a clearly-leaning-paranoid post on my Facebook, about the Boston lockdown. I was troubled by what I saw in the post. My friends have been very vocal in their condemnation of the post. I am on the fence with it. I see the points it's trying to make, but I also know that it was going overboard with how it interpreted the actions of those involved. It isn't going to make me lose sleep, either. But I digress..

I got off work, and came home while listening to my Pandora "Cyberpunk Radio" station. Getting home, I was struck by the urge to sweep my porch and patio. I am currently sitting outside, typing this post up on my laptop as it's sitting on my patio table. While it's a little chilly, I am really enjoying the feeling of being outside. Another piece of my world, reorganized and rearranged.

The smell of cooking food on the air is absolutely distracting. It smells vaguely of barbecue, and my stomach rumbles to contemplate such a delightful meal. However, I am forced to wait on chicken to thaw, in order to make some chicken rotini alfredo. I may throw some fish sticks in the oven, and make the rotini tomorrow morning. I am hungry now.

All in all, though, today has been a very good day, and I'm ending it in high spirits. The only thing unusual for me is that I have no desire to watch my DVR'd Doctor Who, Orphan Black, Game of Thrones, or Vikings. I also have no motivation to hop on WoW tonight. I may watch a movie, perhaps, I may work on another blog post, or I may settle down to read more of The Gathering Storm.

35: Is the night dark, or is the shadow just that deep?

I have been using my tendency to type things out as a means of addressing things that bother me. Furthermore, I don't share these insights with anyone that I know. The result has been quite interesting.

Shadow work, even as a Skeptic*, is intense and dark and scary. I had no fucking idea how dark it could truly get. Being able to talk to myself with no filters, I've seen a side of myself that I'd have denied existed a year ago.

All the same, I always feel better after I've gotten one of those "letters to myself" out. I can genuinely tell that I've unloaded something that I must unload, even if I don't fully unload it. Just the act of attempting to speak about it without reservation is healing.

I had another such episode today. In the aftermath, I feel so much better. I wouldn't say I was "happy" now; however, I feel like I understand myself a little better. To say that helps is almost an understatement.

Now, to see what else I have bouncing around in my mind...

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* -- I like this word for what I am, moreso than "Atheist" or "Humanist". It implies I question everything, which is true, but doesn't lock me into a particular "camp".