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He saps my will to live, not out of depression, but simply boredom. Nothing matters, nothing is interesting, nothing's exciting. I just want to let it go, and move on, but I want to go nowhere. I find solace in books for a time, but eventually that catches up to me, and it gets to me, too. So, I cycle through things over and over, in a vain hope that I will figure out what I want, knowing that I won't. So, I spin my wheels instead.
Blah can be overcome, I'm sure. The thing is, I don't know how. I always feel pretty lazy on my off days, and I find it hard to motivate myself to do anything productive, let alone to do Something Useful. Maybe, I should angle for having sequential off days again. Then, I can let blah run things the first day, but I can then reassert myself on the second day, and attempt to cram blah back into his stupid little shoebox in my closet.
Myroom life, according to Blah.
I look around my room, and think about how I'd like to change my surroundings. Not just move these books over there, and set out candles here. Not just changing the quilts on my bed. Not merely cleaning my car, or painting the house, or anything else like that. I mean, resolutely, irrevokably, finitely, change things as they are. Quit my job, move to a new city, find a place to live, and start over. Wipe the slate completely clean, and start over.
New residence. New job. New car. New friends. New "Stuff".
I could move somewhere that gets proper snow in the winter, instead of this crappy pseudo-snow-that-is-more-like-ice-water. I could move south, and avoid snow altogether. I could move to the Mid-west, so that the stars are always out. I would like to move into a house that's just mine. Or, an apartment like my old one, with trees all around, and nice neighbors. Or, find an open piece of field that I could build a small cabin on, and live there.
I could get a pick-up truck, like I've been wanting. Or, I could get another Saturn. Or, I could live close enough to work that I could bike the distance.
I could find friends that are there to hang out with, with no strings. I could have friends that like going out, and have the money to do so. I could have friends who'd have different interests from me, so that I could appreciate their hobbies, and they mine.
I could change my hobbies. I could replace my science fiction and fantasy books with mystery and horror. I could swap out my astronomy texts for biology or history. I could burn my RPGs, and spend my money seeing exhibits and collections at museums and art galleries. I could scratch every heavy metal CD I have, and listen to jazz and classical.
Of course, Blah would still be there, wouldn't he?
What is my point, exactly?
I'm feeling pretty fed up with things, but probably only as a result of Blah working his vile, loathsome, disgusting, infuriating magic - or is that the case? Am I going insane, second guessing myself on all counts, while Blah watches from his shoebox and laughs? I wonder, if I go to sleep, will he go away?
At any rate, I only have about six more hours, at the most, to deal with Blah, and the way he's set things up today. Tomorrow, I go back to work, and have to deal with Stress again - I hate that bitch, too. *sigh*
Blah can be overcome, I'm sure. The thing is, I don't know how. I always feel pretty lazy on my off days, and I find it hard to motivate myself to do anything productive, let alone to do Something Useful. Maybe, I should angle for having sequential off days again. Then, I can let blah run things the first day, but I can then reassert myself on the second day, and attempt to cram blah back into his stupid little shoebox in my closet.
My
I look around my room, and think about how I'd like to change my surroundings. Not just move these books over there, and set out candles here. Not just changing the quilts on my bed. Not merely cleaning my car, or painting the house, or anything else like that. I mean, resolutely, irrevokably, finitely, change things as they are. Quit my job, move to a new city, find a place to live, and start over. Wipe the slate completely clean, and start over.
New residence. New job. New car. New friends. New "Stuff".
I could move somewhere that gets proper snow in the winter, instead of this crappy pseudo-snow-that-is-more-like-ice-water. I could move south, and avoid snow altogether. I could move to the Mid-west, so that the stars are always out. I would like to move into a house that's just mine. Or, an apartment like my old one, with trees all around, and nice neighbors. Or, find an open piece of field that I could build a small cabin on, and live there.
I could get a pick-up truck, like I've been wanting. Or, I could get another Saturn. Or, I could live close enough to work that I could bike the distance.
I could find friends that are there to hang out with, with no strings. I could have friends that like going out, and have the money to do so. I could have friends who'd have different interests from me, so that I could appreciate their hobbies, and they mine.
I could change my hobbies. I could replace my science fiction and fantasy books with mystery and horror. I could swap out my astronomy texts for biology or history. I could burn my RPGs, and spend my money seeing exhibits and collections at museums and art galleries. I could scratch every heavy metal CD I have, and listen to jazz and classical.
Of course, Blah would still be there, wouldn't he?
What is my point, exactly?
I'm feeling pretty fed up with things, but probably only as a result of Blah working his vile, loathsome, disgusting, infuriating magic - or is that the case? Am I going insane, second guessing myself on all counts, while Blah watches from his shoebox and laughs? I wonder, if I go to sleep, will he go away?
At any rate, I only have about six more hours, at the most, to deal with Blah, and the way he's set things up today. Tomorrow, I go back to work, and have to deal with Stress again - I hate that bitch, too. *sigh*
