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As I sit here, thinking about how horrible my thoughts got last night (up to and including, "not even remotely good enough"), I realize that I'm seriously over analyzing the whole situation. I have trouble NOT dwelling on relationships and where they may head, but I'm doing myself no good whatsoever. What exactly is the point of running through the what ifs, if I don't even bother with it? To prevent myself from making a fool of myself? What fool? People ask other folks out all the time, and are rejected all the time, and it doesn't bother them enough to whine and cry about it. They shrug, pick up and move on.
I suppose a little mental role-play on how it could go can help you plan what you'd like to say, and what to expect, but to call it off before you've begun, because your mental exercises shot you down? That's like saying "I'd like to go to the store and get groceries, but I might get into a collision on the way, so it's better to stay home and go hungry. At least then I won't have an accident."
It would also help if I kicked myself in the ass and reminded myself that NO ONE is perfect. I'm not. She's not. No one is. That's actually kind of a given. I've even seen in-your-face proof that just because I like a woman is no guarantee that she's perfect (see my entries from January 2005 regarding "M"). She may be pretty and seem smart and kind, and there's no telling how we'd get along, BUT THAT'S NO REASON TO GIVE UP BEFORE EVEN TRYING.
Sheesh, why can't I have this kind of confidence when I'm working, and she's there?
This does lead me to a real decision. One that I genuinely want to follow through with: 2010 New Year's Resolutions. Everyone does it, no one sticks, and blah blah blah. All I know is that I prefer for things to begin cleanly, at the proper start of things or similar. January 1 is about as "at the beginning" as I can manage. I'm keeping them simple and broad, because otherwise I'll fail horribly, and become disheartened.
1. Ride my bicycle on a regular basis, preferably at least 2x a week, if not 3-4x.
2. Go to bed, and get up, at a regular time, even when I'm off, to ensure I get enough sleep.
3. Ignore Charles' food intake, and focus on mine. Adjust it to be healthier, and pass on Charles' dinner plans if they're not in line with my healthier food choices.
3a. Allow myself one night a week to just enjoy what-the-hell-ever I want, allowing for reasonable portions regardless.
3b. Invite Charles and Alicia to dinner if I've made enough, because I rarely follow through with my leftovers.
4. Get my financial situation corrected, and begin making plans on moving out in the next year or two.
5. Get my car in working order, starting with my freakin' driver's side door handle.
6. Quit worrying over what ifs, and just start asking folks. I'll never meet my soulmate if I never look.
That seems like a good place to start, especially since I was originally just going to post about the mystery lady. :)
I suppose a little mental role-play on how it could go can help you plan what you'd like to say, and what to expect, but to call it off before you've begun, because your mental exercises shot you down? That's like saying "I'd like to go to the store and get groceries, but I might get into a collision on the way, so it's better to stay home and go hungry. At least then I won't have an accident."
It would also help if I kicked myself in the ass and reminded myself that NO ONE is perfect. I'm not. She's not. No one is. That's actually kind of a given. I've even seen in-your-face proof that just because I like a woman is no guarantee that she's perfect (see my entries from January 2005 regarding "M"). She may be pretty and seem smart and kind, and there's no telling how we'd get along, BUT THAT'S NO REASON TO GIVE UP BEFORE EVEN TRYING.
Sheesh, why can't I have this kind of confidence when I'm working, and she's there?
This does lead me to a real decision. One that I genuinely want to follow through with: 2010 New Year's Resolutions. Everyone does it, no one sticks, and blah blah blah. All I know is that I prefer for things to begin cleanly, at the proper start of things or similar. January 1 is about as "at the beginning" as I can manage. I'm keeping them simple and broad, because otherwise I'll fail horribly, and become disheartened.
1. Ride my bicycle on a regular basis, preferably at least 2x a week, if not 3-4x.
2. Go to bed, and get up, at a regular time, even when I'm off, to ensure I get enough sleep.
3. Ignore Charles' food intake, and focus on mine. Adjust it to be healthier, and pass on Charles' dinner plans if they're not in line with my healthier food choices.
3a. Allow myself one night a week to just enjoy what-the-hell-ever I want, allowing for reasonable portions regardless.
3b. Invite Charles and Alicia to dinner if I've made enough, because I rarely follow through with my leftovers.
4. Get my financial situation corrected, and begin making plans on moving out in the next year or two.
5. Get my car in working order, starting with my freakin' driver's side door handle.
6. Quit worrying over what ifs, and just start asking folks. I'll never meet my soulmate if I never look.
That seems like a good place to start, especially since I was originally just going to post about the mystery lady. :)
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