Autumn Beckons..

I worked until 11pm tonight, and by all rights I should be in bed, given that I have to be back at work in the morning at 930am. However, thanks to the storm named Lee, the temperature outside is absolutely delicious. The breeze stirs my wind chimes, and gently nips at my toes, promising that soon the heat will be gone for a season.

It's at times like this that I feel truly at peace. It's cool enough that the world snuggles down to slumber a bit deeper, but not so cold that the world has to fight to stay warm. When I inhale, I just feel clean. Clean air. Clean earth. Clean everything. Oh, it may not be all that clean, since I do live in the city, but this feeling reminds me of good times.

• It reminds me of those nights in 2004, when I would sit in the backyard at my parents' house, listening to (personally) inspirational music, writing in a journal with a pen, using the full moon for light.
  


• It reminds me of being at Festival of Souls last October, when the chill in the air was cutting, but being in that sacred space with so many like-minded people was just comforting. The one night I got to stay, I remember sneaking out of my cabin at 4am, and just quietly smoking while looking out at Piersol Lake itself. The whole campground was quiet, at least out by the cabins, and I could feel the joyful energy suffusing everything. Maybe that was just me, but that's how I felt.
  


• It also reminds me of times I don't specifically recall. When I first began doing research into pagan traditions (Wicca mostly at first), it was around October of 2002, and every morning felt magical to me. I'd listen to Blackmore's Night or Loreena McKennitt and just connect with the world itself, unchained from the notion of "having a path" or "having religion." I was simply more aware of the world as a living entity than I ever had before, and I think that I formed my connection with the Earth then. Whether or not I've listened since, I believe that it was those crisp mornings when I came closest in my life to finding that spark of divinity that I so long to touch.

What I find most intriguing about this cooler time of year is that I am more inspired and more open than at any other time of year, almost as if Autumn was the season I should have been born in, rather than the middle of winter in January. I feel alive. I feel as if I have but to attempt something, and I will accomplish it.

Life has been hard for me. I've belabored the reasons in other posts. Life has also been good to me. I don't belabor those reasons enough. I may be overweight, but I have most of my health, and my weight isn't unmanageable. I may be alone, but I have people in my life who care enough about me to check in with me when I've been quiet too long. I may be poor, but I can provide for myself. I may be more timid than I like, but I can muster determination when it's truly necessary. I may work at a grocery store instead of in an office environment, but I've had my job for nearly 17 years, and I'm finally close to being able to make the step into department management. I may not have all the glory that I see others attain, but I also know that the humility I have serves me far better than the glory would. Autumn reminds me of these things.

I don't claim that the following poem is any good. It literally came to me while I was composing this post. Yet, I enjoyed writing it, so that's enough for me. I could tweak it to rhyme more, but it paints the picture I desire.

( An Autumn Evening )