tek2way: Anime - Ayukawa (Anime - Ayukawa)
So, the store I work at has a system in place that tells us -- and customers -- how many lanes we should have open at any given time. It's been a struggle at times, trying to meet the expectations of corporate, and my most recent serious bout of depression stemmed from the fact that every time I walked into my store, the manager repeatedly got on me about how we weren't making our metric in it. Obviously, that wasn't the sole reason for the depression, but it certainly didn't help.

I walked into the store on Sunday, expecting serious traffic thanks to the holiday, and wasn't disappointed. However, the managers were on the front, watching the traffic and helping to direct it (something that is expected of them ever since we got the system, but hardly ever see them involved).

Well, when I left today, we were on track to make our metric for the FOURTH day in a row! To say I'm pleased is something of an understatement. You see, not only does it mean that I won't hear from my manager about how we're not doing what we should, it is also an indication that the new approach is working, and that I have some sort of help in trying to make it.

Isn't it amazing how having some help can improve things for us?



In other news, I've been seriously diving back into my love of anime. I've picked up Oh My Goddess (OVA and movie), Tenchi Muyo (original OVA and most recent OVA), Macross Plus, and the Kimagure Orange Road TV series box set.

The KOR TV set is the highlight of them all, as it's an anime that I've loved since I borrowed the OVA series from Jason at Triple Play (now, it's Comic Cellar) way back in 1993 or so. Back in 1999, I went in halves with Kevin to help AnimEigo fund their production of the TV series on VHS/LD. He and I watched the series, and loved every minute of it. It also helped the OVA series -- which came out after the TV series -- make a lot more sense.

Over time, I wound up selling my half to him to cover a debt I owed him, and I told myself I'd get around to picking it up again, but 12 VHS tapes were quite an investment. I'd eventually relegate the idea to the back of my mind, as a took a step back from anime in general, due to a dearth of titles that held my interest. (Honestly, having formats switch from VHS to DVD also dampened my enthusiasm.)

Years later, I'd discover that the whole thing was released on DVD, but that the company releasing it lost their license soon after. I began to watch eBay, hoping to find it for a reasonable price, but individual discs in the 12 volume series (they kept the episode breakdown to how the VHS tapes were) were as much as $60-80 each, and the whole set was selling for $400+. I sighed, kept it as a saved search, and gave up any real hope for procuring it.

That's when this current anime binge comes into play. I was ordering a couple of anime from Amazon, when I searched for Kimagure Orange Road on a lark. One of the results was the box set for sale from a Goodwill in Seattle... for $180. That was half what the individual discs might've cost new, and $75 cheaper than I found the box set new, to say nothing of regular online prices.

I just finished episode 2, and I'm quite pleased to have found it. There are a lot of memories tied up in this series for me, and I am going to enjoy rediscovering each and every one as I work my way through the show.
tek2way: Anime - UN Spacy (Anime - UN Spacy)
So, in the interest of beating a dead horse, I'm going to talk about anime again today.

You see, I am (re)discovering the unbridled joy that came from watching it, particularly the stuff that I was into when I was in my late teens and early 20s (Ranma 1/2, Tenchi Muyo, Kimagure Orange Road, Macross, Bubblegum Crisis, and similar). Only this time, I don't think I have any fucks to give for anyone who might naysay my choice of pastimes. That's not to say that I was overly worried then, but on my way home, listening to Two-Mix in my car, I found myself saying firmly, "I'm an anime fan. I'm an otaku. I'm a geek. I'm even a metalhead. I do not fear fandom labels, because they're the things I like, and --"

That's when I had to make the left turn, and focused on the oncoming traffic instead. :)

Regardless, though, there was a liberating feeling to that thought, and I liked it. I'm a Star Wars fan. I'm an RPG fan. I'm a gaming (role-playing, board, card, video) fan. I'm a Brandon Sanderson fan. I'm a sci-fi fan. I'm a Game of Thrones fan. I'm a Tolkien fan. I'm a Harry Potter fan. I'm a Marvel Universe fan. I'm also a DC Universe fan. I'm a fan of Neil Gaiman, and am generally in love with the cast of characters from his various books. I'm a music fan. I'm a fan of Iron Maiden. I'm a fan of Nightwish. I'm a fan of Helloween. I'm a fan of Sarah Brightman, Hayley Westenra, Josh Groban, Loreena McKennitt, and Enya.

In some small way, listening to anime music (and watching anime) has reminded me that it's okay to like the things I do, no matter what society has decided is appropriate for someone my age. For gods' sakes, if I was to truly measure myself by society's standards, I really would be planning to end it all, because a car is about the only "grown up" thing I can say I've "accomplished". House? Nope. "Grown-up" job making enough to support my family? Nope. Significant other? Nope. Kids? Absolutely not.

All this from listening to anime soundtrack music? Oddly, yes, more or less. You see, some of this has come from self-reflection since that thought, but the principle still applies. I also want to stress that I'm in no way suddenly "better", and free from my depression and anxiety. First, today was a stressful work day, but I was able to manage it, and I never got overwhelmed. Second, the pragmatic side of me reasons that this could be -- to use older parlance with which I'm at least passingly familiar -- a manic mood, or "high", that's a counterpoint to the abysmal low I was living with last weekend. I suppose that the main thing is that I'm not questioning it.

I'm off Monday. I am going to get up, pick up my Kimagure Orange Road TV box set from the post office, get my brother and take him to replace his cell phone, and then I'm going to run by Best Buy and pick up an external DVD/CD-RW. I considered going for a Blu-Ray drive, but 1) my anime is only DVD, 2) a DVD drive is over half as cheap as the Blu-Ray player, and 3) the Blu-Ray player needed USB 3.0 to run, and I only have one port for that (which is given over to my 1TB HDD, which would run horribly on USB 2.0).



P.S.: It doesn't hurt my mood at all, that management has responded to my more resolute and positive outlook by being more positive and understanding. Basically, the worse I'm doing on an emotional and mental level, the less understanding and the more hurtful they get. Yeah, this place does *NOT* deserve my loyalty at all.

Next up: taking stock of what all I have, and weeding out what I don't need/want. However, unlike last time, I'm going to keep it all, but separate it from the main collection. Then, if I still am disinterested in it in, say, six months, then I'll see about selling it.
tek2way: Nature - Dark Sunset (Nature - Dark Sunset)
This is an entry I posted on April 25, 2016. I added it to this journal on April 25, 2017, but backdated it, so it was inline with any other posts I may have made, to better understand my mental state at the time).

ALL GOOD THINGS...

I was off of work today. Much like Peter Gibbons from "Office Space", I spent it doing nothing: sleeping, absentmindedly browsing Facebook, or running Molten Core on my WoW characters to obtain some rare item so I can make a Nifty Thing before my account expires on Sunday. I switched from one thing to the next as the urge struck me, or as I got tired.

This feels like one of the first days off I've had in a while. I can't explain it, since I'm getting my two days a week without fail. In an attempt to explain it, though, I guess it's because I've had Things to Do most of my off days this month. Until this week, Saturday was my one definite day off every week. What is particularly telling is that I can't remember my other days off each of those weeks.

The first two Saturdays of the month saw me trying to wrap up my 13th Age game (which somehow grew into a Real Game™, even though my plan was "fun little bullshit game we do for 2-3 weeks"). Of course, the first of those two sessions were broken up by Justin showing, and a great deal of discussion on matters spiritual. My heart wasn't in it the next week, and it ran longer than I wanted, due in equal parts to the story being longer than I anticipated and because I wasn't able to rein things in and propel the game forward when necessary. To say I was dissatisfied about how that game ended would be an understatement.

The next week was the first session back with Travis's game. We'd had an impromptu party at Jon's the night before, and again had discussions of a spiritual nature to go with our alcohol. We started the game back at level 15, and it was fun, but I realize now that we had one direction to go: into battle, which took up the whole session. Craig participated as a stand-in for Justin, who was feeling under the weather, and we laughed and gamed until we had to call it a night.

This week was Dane's birthday weekend, and my Saturday was supposed to be spoke for all day. However, I'd begun to have trouble sleeping again, and was getting exhausted quite severely during the week. I found my neck and shoulders were in an almost sharp pain at times, I was so tense (this whole thing coincided with the District Front End Coordinator staying on us all week about what we weren't doing right or turning in -- even other CSMs were commenting about it in our group MMS messages). Heck, I'd even gotten used to a near-constant stabbing at my right temple, that only abated when I dozed during my lunch. I had hope that being off from work, and being able to just be around people I liked would help.

The Friday night before Dane's birthday, though (despite spending the evening at the Leaky Cauldron and feeling somewhat recharged), I still had trouble sleeping. Or rather, I had trouble sleeping WELL. I was spending more and more time asleep, but wasn't feeling any better when I woke. I'd wake during the night, and maybe mess around on Facebook for an hour or two, but I was going to bed early enough that a brief interlude in my resting shouldn't have mattered. I woke at 10am, and promptly fell back asleep after I finished breakfast. I woke enough to rouse myself sometime after 11am, which just had me agitated, since I knew I was running late.

I was late trying to get to the place for Laser Tag (after struggling to find clothes I could "get dirty"), and Google Maps misdirected me something fierce. I gave up and came home, only to fall asleep HARD for the next two hours. That should have been a sign. I woke, picked up something for Dane, and grabbed Brian so he could go. We had the most difficult time getting there, because it seemed that every direction I chose to get us there was congested with cars, all the way up to the section of Winchester right before the last major turn. That probably was a sign, too.

We talked and ate and had a good afternoon, which was pretty fun, because it was unstructured and spontaneous and had no purpose besides fellowship. When the discussion turned toward starting the game, I realized I had NO energy. I wasn't just tired, but I was kinda flopped like a rag doll on the couch while people began prepping things like bringing in the table and wiping surfaces down.

I joked about playing from the couch, and was told as long as I "don't fall asleep" there. I *knew* I was going to fall asleep, so I got a chair and sat at the table.
My heart wasn't in the game, from the moment we started back up. First, I couldn't remember what we did the previous week. Then, I knew absolutely NOTHING we could do to overcome the first immediate obstacle. I said something in frustration, and Travis asked if that was in-character, so I decided it was. Turns out, that was something to move the story forward. Despite that, though, I felt my energy draining faster and faster. I tried eating some more dinner (love Julie's potato salad!), and it helped a scant hair, but the lethargy returned.

Finally, I wanted nothing more than to get up and go home, in the middle of a combat round. I wanted no more part of gaming at all. I wanted my bed and at least the hope of 9-10 hours of sleep. I used the bathroom, where I realized it was only going to get even worse. I could have literally fallen asleep in there, sitting on the toilet. I came out and said I was going to pumpkin after combat.

I don't really recall what happened after that, until Brian and I were leaving. My eyes hurt, my neck hurt, my shoulders hurt.. I couldn't make myself feel better. What I do remember is that Brian and I talked about how much work has grown to suck, and we talked from when we left until we pulled into his driveway. I explained how overwhelmed I felt about work, and how I didn't know how to fix things and make it better. Brian vented a bit, too, but I only remember he did, because I can't recall what his specifics were.

I left, and made it home alright, but when I got in, I went STRAIGHT to sleep. It was only around 1am, and I didn't have to get up until 11am for work, but I slept almost all of that, and STILL felt tired when I got up.

Work wasn't quite as bad for me Sunday, so I left feeling not as exhausted, but I still came home and went to bed. And today has been, as I said, off and on sleeping all day. I'm about to go to bed again, and hopefully I'll sleep until I have to get up for work.

My problem is that, in the last week, my stress related to work has ramped up a great deal, and things that were helping to take the edge off, no longer do the trick. Gaming should be my release, but instead, I just can't care about it, especially the idea of my own game. I almost don't even care about Travis's game or Leif's game, for all that I called myself excited about them. I'm short-tempered and miserable. What exacerbates everything is that I just *know* that if I quit the games, I'll get worse.

Between stress related to maintaining my job (so I can afford to live where I do and keep my car), the stress of doing my job (that place is a fucking madhouse at the best of times), and the stress of knowing my lease was coming up (and it was only Thursday that I learned that I'm okay there), I don't really enjoy being at home much, and I *really* don't enjoy being at work. Those few hours where I spend time with Leigh Ann or at the Leaky Cauldron are pretty much the only times I'm not constantly reminded of how much pressure I'm under.

I don't know if I can keep playing, if something doesn't break to relieve me of some of this stress. The spiritual discussions helped, as did fellowship with fellow Norse tradition folks, but it either isn’t enough, or isn’t happening enough. I'm unhappy about it, and I may still head over to sit on the couch and watch (if allowed) or nap as necessary, but I can no longer promise I will play.
tek2way: Anime - Valkyrie (Default)
Today, I am doing the schedule.

I loathe doing the schedule, because it's essentially herding cats combined with no physical labor, resulting in my brain hurting and my body deciding to shut down for a nap spontaneously, simply because I'm sitting still. I sit up straight. I lean back. I don't use the chair back. I drink caffeinated sodas. I get up and walk around every so often. Nothing works to keep me from being in a slothful torpor by the end of the day, and I hate it. You see, I'm normally on my feet all day, running from one thing to the next. When I take lunch, I usually wind up taking a 15-25 minute power nap. Schedule Days™, usually Wednesdays, are the complete opposite, in terms of activity.

Ironically, though, Wednesdays are also when I dislike being called downstairs to help out on the Front. You'd think that, with my battling the torpor, I'd appreciate the diversion and chance to get the blood flowing again. However, they usually occur when I'm deep in concentration on something about the schedule, and the break disrupts my flow of thought, ultimately causing me a delay, rather than helping.

Why am I telling you all of this? It's really a simple answer. Despite planning on sleeping until 730a before I woke up to get ready for work, I got a phone call from work at 607a. Factor in another call at 621a (I use my phone as my alarm clock), and I gave up all hope of falling back to sleep. Perhaps I could have managed it, but a simple breakfast of peanut butter and crackers helped mitigate the lost sleep.

Tonight, I go to my near-sister's home for dinner. I think we're even going to watch Dracula Untold. Then, tomorrow, I'm going to take a dear friend for some outpatient/same day surgery, whatever it's called. I just know I'm picking her up, waiting while it happens, and then bringing her home afterward.

Now, based on the clock, I pretty much have to go get started getting ready. The commute to work is always fun during rush hour. >.
tek2way: Anime - Valkyrie (Art (Hallman) - Runesword)
“How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on, when in your heart, you begin to understand, there is no going back? There are some things that time cannot mend. Some hurts that go too deep...that have taken hold.”
― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Return of the King


I sit here, at almost 11pm on the night of April 5, and though I am writing this post, I find that I am not entirely sure why I felt compelled to start it. I could come up with any number of reasons, but it is ultimately a direct result of one thing in particular. Today, I woke and cleaned my apartment. Now, those who visit will say that my place is never really messy (comparably; I still think it's filthy), but it's been lacking that special touch. I'd clean the kitchen, but leave the living room. I'd dust everything, but not put away my laundry.

My internet has been on the fritz for about a week or so, and hasn't been entirely reliable for at least a month now. I called a few days ago, and a service call was scheduled for this morning. Not wanting to give a bad impression (because I find it important to put my best foot forward, even with strangers I may never see again), I got a lot of things cleaned up and put away. I put away my dishes and ran more, cleaned my dirty laundry and put away the clean clothes, vacuumed, changed my bed sheets, dusted, and even put away all my toiletries in the bathroom.

The technician came by, determined that it was bad wiring from another tech's visit, and repaired it properly. My Internet connection was back in a way I haven't seen in literally weeks. I continued cleaning after he left, and was still doing so when Cynthia came by to introduce me to Julie, a woman she met at FoS last year. Julie is cool as hell, and if her husband, Travis, lives up to the hype, I'll have a new best friend in no time. :) I'm mostly facetious, but fantasy nerd plus metalhead plus alternatively religious all in one? That's a potent mix.

At any rate, they left, and I got back to doing simple things like keeping the laundry going. Meanwhile, I was burning some cedar incense and had my bedroom window open. The gentle coolness of a day in the mid-60s helped me relax, even when I got text messages from work, irritable about my failings from when I was there.* I dozed a bit while playing WoW for the first time in over a week, and finally made dinner. I watched some TV, and capped the night by watching "Man of Steel".

The whole evening, though, I felt a presence growing in the back of my mind. Far from being some malignant and evil presence, it was a feeling of rightness and order. I'd almost call it a sense of homecoming. It was a sense of belonging and relaxation capable of penetrating whatever negative emotions I may be feeling, swaddling me in a blanket of peace and contentment.

For the last month, you see, I've been stressing about my home living situation. I've known I need to move, but I couldn't find all the identification that I needed in order to proceed. Earlier this week, I called them and canceled my move-out. Then, work has been just busy enough to keep me rather emotionally worn out from dealing with it. At points in the last month, my apartment has been downright messy, and even when I could have, I chose to hide from my responsibility instead of facing it head on.

Coming back to today, I was struck by just how.. comfortable.. my apartment felt. It was more than that, though. It felt good in a way I've not felt from it in what seems like ages. It felt like home again. I know that likely sounds silly to anyone reading this, but I found that I could almost sob with relief at the feeling. I even rinsed my dishes and put them in the dishwasher (another first in the last couple of months) and am sipping water right now instead of drinking tea. Even discovering that my TARDIS mug was ruined by getting put in the dishwasher did little more than make me sigh in sadness that it was gone. I immediately recognized my luck that I still have a TARDIS, courtesy of Craig and his amazing way of working wood (TARDIS Prime rules).

Well, whatever the source, I'm not going to worry about it too much. I'm simply going to accept that I feel good in my place, and call it a night. This thread, at least, seems to have been mended, and I was able to find it again.


* - The first issue was that the Guest Care clerk was scheduled 10a-7p instead of 8a-5p. As I told the Accounting clerk, I know I said something about changing that shift to the person in question, but I could also have convinced myself I did say it, when I didn't really. The second issue was a question whether I replaced a shift for someone we knew had probably quit. I simply gave them one option, asked when I 'd have had a chance yesterday to do so, and told them that the option was my best idea, unless they knew something I didn't. I hate feeling guilty for things that are -- logically -- out of my hands.
tek2way: Anime - Valkyrie (Sky - Storm)
I worked 10a-7p today. I felt that today was very fulfilling. I busted ass, and I felt like I made progress in making sure people realized that it's my front end, not theirs. Without even being a jerk about it, I made sure my accounting clerk took care of business, and kept everyone on-task. It was almost fun.

Of course, I also posted a clearly-leaning-paranoid post on my Facebook, about the Boston lockdown. I was troubled by what I saw in the post. My friends have been very vocal in their condemnation of the post. I am on the fence with it. I see the points it's trying to make, but I also know that it was going overboard with how it interpreted the actions of those involved. It isn't going to make me lose sleep, either. But I digress..

I got off work, and came home while listening to my Pandora "Cyberpunk Radio" station. Getting home, I was struck by the urge to sweep my porch and patio. I am currently sitting outside, typing this post up on my laptop as it's sitting on my patio table. While it's a little chilly, I am really enjoying the feeling of being outside. Another piece of my world, reorganized and rearranged.

The smell of cooking food on the air is absolutely distracting. It smells vaguely of barbecue, and my stomach rumbles to contemplate such a delightful meal. However, I am forced to wait on chicken to thaw, in order to make some chicken rotini alfredo. I may throw some fish sticks in the oven, and make the rotini tomorrow morning. I am hungry now.

All in all, though, today has been a very good day, and I'm ending it in high spirits. The only thing unusual for me is that I have no desire to watch my DVR'd Doctor Who, Orphan Black, Game of Thrones, or Vikings. I also have no motivation to hop on WoW tonight. I may watch a movie, perhaps, I may work on another blog post, or I may settle down to read more of The Gathering Storm.
tek2way: Anime - Valkyrie (Default)
If you are reading this, then you are reading my LJ on its 10th birthday. It was on August 8, 2002 that I started using my journal for the first time. Back then, you had to use invite codes, and my buddy [livejournal.com profile] lordreaibn hooked me up, after being after me to get one for months. :)

In these past ten years, I've seen the rise and fall of LJ among my friends. I've seen the rise of MySpace, Facebook, and Twitter. I don't have a large amount of people on my friend's list here -- only about 60-something -- because most of the people I have on here, are folks that I know in real life. The thing that saddens me, however slightly, is that, of all my LJ friends, only two people who were friends back in August 2002 are still around in LJ-land: the aforementioned [livejournal.com profile] lordreaibn and the ever-reliable [livejournal.com profile] rockcandy76 (seriously, how do you manage to post DAILY!?).

When I started my journal, I posted frequently in it. I often posted twice daily, and my posts absolutely included a rundown of what my day/week had been like at work. I complained about my co-workers, my bosses, the tasks I was given, and the customers I served. My home life involved talking about playing in a variety of games, reading books, and maybe some non-computer social time.

In late 2004, I got involved in a bad relationship, and my world damn near fell apart. I learned what emotional pain really was, and I learned that I never want to allow myself to get into that position again.

2005 saw me get my first iPod, and it saw another milestone that was a precursor to decreased activity on LJ: I signed up for my World of Warcraft account. I've been subscribed to that game off and on (mostly on) for the last seven years. It's changed drastically in that time, and it was Tuesday, interestingly, that I realized I was actually done with it. While I played, though, my LJ suffered quite a bit.

In 2006, I moved into an apartment with [livejournal.com profile] strieson. Actually, it was around this time, too (in August). Wow, go figure. I first "moved" out of my parents' house in August 1997, and returned in November 2002. That's... 5 years and 3 months. However, given August 2006 for when I moved out with [livejournal.com profile] strieson, that means I've been out of my house longer this time than I was the last time. I'm only 3 years away from being gone as long as my first stint away from home AND my 4 year stint being back in the house with my folks. Oh, my.

2007 was just business as usual, though a hernia I'd refused to acknowledge began to get worse.

In 2008, [livejournal.com profile] strieson and I moved in with [livejournal.com profile] capedory1181, who'd just left his wife. My store of 11 years closed, and I found myself in a hostile environment. I stuck it out, though, and while I don't really thank the environment, I know it helped strengthen me. I also got my hernia taken care of, too.

Like 2003, 2009 was a quiet, float-through-the-year, go-through-the-motions time. I remember nothing notable about that year, aside from the backup CSM at my store getting busted down to Drug/GM, and then get arrested on theft charges.

With 2010, I began it by seeing Avatar. That changed my outlook on life (laugh if you want, but we never know from where that nudge to be greater will come). I began to exercise and eat better, and was doing a great job for a while. In June, my roommates lost their first child, and I discovered that my spiritual path went in a different direction than that of most of those I know. I got into a fairly-healthy relationship, and began to come into my own in a spiritual, emotional, and mental fashion.

2011 began my true independence. I moved out on my own in March. I got a new (to me) car in June. I exercised my spirituality more, since I had the room and privacy. Late last year, I was promoted to Customer Service Manager of a new store. That was quite a shock. :)

2012 has been more of a "go-through-the-motions" year, yet it also has been a "paradigm shifting" year, too. Things I took for granted, I learned worked differently. I've come to trust my judgment a lot more. I've begun writing, even if it is only to post more often on my LJ, or share something on my WordPress.

So, that's my last 10 years. It's a wild feeling to think that it was ten years ago that I was sitting in the computer room in Kevin's house, less than a month from my Saturn SL2 being repossessed, writing about the daily goings-on in my store on Riverdale. Interesting. October this year will also signify ten years since I first began to seriously look into my spirituality.

Well, I have work in the morning, and I halfway want to update my WordPress before I hit the hay, so I will wrap this up by saying...


...see you in another ten years!
tek2way: Anime - Valkyrie (Music - Beyond the Crimson Horizon)
Last week, I was a ball of energy where work was concerned. I feel like I actually began to accomplish things, and make folks realize I'm serious about the job. That said, between work and spending time with my friends, I let this journal go. *shrug* Better for me to be living life than writing about it, right?

The primary thing that I accomplished last week was that I managed to get my schedule pretty much done on Wednesday. That has always been the bane of my existence. :) Yet, when I went in for work on Thursday, I had -- at most -- a couple of tweaks to make to it. I halfway suspect that getting the schedule done set the tone for the rest of my week. Confidence returned, and it showed in my efficiency and interactions. I may generally be more confident now than I was even six months ago, but this was a shot in the arm to that.

Friday, I had a dream that left me pondering things I had been thinking about, and I couldn't shake the feeling that I'd Done Something™. Oh, I know it sounds silly, but I woke up with a feeling that it was no ordinary dream. Given the subject matter of my dream, though, I will refrain from posting it here. (Speculate all that you like, but I will not confirm, deny, or acknowledge any accusations.)

I didn't sleep well at all on Friday night. I don't know if it was because I was off on Saturday, or something more, but I had a hell of a time sleeping. I'd sleep for about an hour, then wake up and be up for 2-3 hours. Lather, rinse repeat.

I finally got up around 1030am, because I had been sweating enough that my pillowcase was wet. That was an unpleasant feeling. Well, [livejournal.com profile] strieson came over, and we discussed the possibility of doing another Pathfinder game. We tossed around ideas until about 545pm, when I had to leave to go to Bahama Breeze for a "department head outing". That is, where all the people in charge of my store went and had dinner. I wasn't interested, but you know how it is with corporate picnics, etc. You have to show up for at least a little bit. I wound up having some decent fun, but my head was seriously hurting by the time I left at 9pm.

I managed to get to bed by 11pm, but woke at 1am with a splitting headache. I took some Advil, and prayed I would get back to sleep soon, because I had to be at work at 5am to do payroll. The day went pretty smoothly, though I forgot to do the head count for this week's schedule, because I had to write some people up. I'll get that done tomorrow.

I'd go into more detail about today, but my head is beginning to hurt, and I suspect that I need sleep to get rid of this pain, so I will cut it short. I will say, though, that Game of Thrones gets better with every episode. Jon likes it so much, he calls it the "hour of epic" at my house. :)

I have so much more I still need to do, but I'm going to have to let it go for now. Sleep must take priority, even though I think I owe the golden-haired owner of Brisingamen a chat. Maybe she'll pull me aside while I sleep?
tek2way: Anime - Valkyrie (Movies (Equ) - John Preston)

I read some things I wrote last year, and intended to write a proper post about how I felt, but work called and interrupted my evening. :-/ As in, it required a trip there. >.<

Time with a friend helped turn the evening around, but it's too late now to post it, and frankly, I only half-remember what I was going to post. I'll remember it soon enough, and post it then.

For now, good night! :)

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

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tek2way: Anime - Valkyrie (Sky - Daylit Clouds)
I was off yesterday, as my only day off this week*. I have no superstitions regarding Friday the 13th, so the fact that I was home until that afternoon only means that I decided that I was going to be lazy. :) I tooled around in WoW a bit, and then reread several entries of my LJ from a few years back. While I've not been terribly devoted to posting regularly since WoW and Facebook/Twitter took over the universe, I still posted more than a few entries from 2008. I learned quite a bit rereading those entries, but my thoughts on that are in another post.

Finally, I decided that I was going to head to Wal-Mart to get (in no particular order) hair care products, a fitted sheet (my red one is so old and thin it tore the other night), and maybe a T-shirt or two. I also figured, since a friend of mine was at work, I'd stop by her store in the mall, despite my utter distaste for malls.

I'd originally intended to go to Wal-Mart first, but something told me to swing by her place first, and would you believe that she texted me to come by (and have lunch) right after I took the exit to get to her store instead of going on to Wal-Mart. Score one for being smart. :)

I browsed her store briefly while waiting for her to be free )

Speaking of which, I've come to the end, so I'll see y'all on the flip side. :)


* - My accounting clerk had a family emergency, and wound up using one of her vacations, so I worked 6 days. Nice paycheck, but only one day off.

** - Ever since maybe 2003 or early 2004, I've had at least 300 thread count sheets, and I feel the difference. Wanna make me happy? Get me 1000 thread count Egyptian cotton sheets. :) (JK! Please don't spend that much on me.)

*** - Yes, even on live TV.
tek2way: Anime - Valkyrie (Music - Symphony X)
So, I decided to check on my profile, and see exactly how many posts I have done on this thing in the last 9.5 years. 1898. Pretty much 2000 entries. Some have been filtered. Some were just quiz results. At least one was just an advertisement trying to unload some of my Stuff I'd collected over the years.

Still, I find it interesting that the post with which I begin my LJ journey anew is 1899. You see, when I moved into my apartment last year, I did a landtaking for it, before I moved any significant possessions inside. At the end of the landtaking, I made an offering to the landvaettir. One of the sacrifices I made was an OLD silver dollar I had acquired. The year on that silver dollar? 1899.

Oh, sure, one could easily argue that I'm looking too hard for a connection. I disagree, though, because I'm not strictly saying that this is absolutely a connection. Rather, I believe that it is fascinating and could be a connection, but I'm not sold on it.

Work today was about normal for me now: at times, seemingly stressful, but nothing that happened was really bad enough to make me say it was a bad day. Heck, I could honestly say that it was a pretty good day. My decision a few weeks ago to begin keeping a pocket notepad on-hand has proved to be priceless. I'm forgetting a whole lot less than I did once. It also has the side effect of making it look like I'm truly ready for anything (which, honestly, I guess is true).

I came home, and promptly opened my bedroom window. I stuck my box fan in it, and reveled in the delightful air that began coming in. Even now, I'm in heaven. I so love the way it feels being blown into my room, I've considered sleeping on the floor, so that I can be closer to the air.

Well, I guess I'm going to cut this post short (?!), because I'm nodding off. I work 8-5 tomorrow, and then I'm off till 1pm on Friday. I'm thinking about going to the Flying Saucer tomorrow evening, to get my dirty little hands on a St. Patrick's Day 2012 glass.
tek2way: Anime - Valkyrie (Music - Symphony X)
I was scheduled today from 2-11, though I wound up working until 1125. On my way home, I was feeling like I needed to write something, but I didn't understand what I needed to write.

When I got home, and finally checked email, I discovered that I was not selected as one of the at-large members for Summerland Grove. Instead, Krisi and Wendi received the votes to make them at-large members. I'm honestly happy for them, and hope that this development will prove to be beneficial for the church.

However, I cannot say that I am not a little disappointed. In fact, I'm really disappointed. I didn't know I had such an attachment to gaining a position in the Board of Directors. It could be that I felt like I could effect some change from within, and really step up my involvement with the church and community in general. Perhaps I had thought that if I was more intimately involved in the goings-on with the church, I could help head off this disastrous path it is on. I don't mean to belittle the two who got the positions. In fact, I want to go on record saying that I am *NOT* belittling them at all.

Could I have served successfully, given my new position at work? Could I have served ethically, given my disdain for one of the Fourth Realm students? Could I have served the church without falling victim to the corrupting influence of power? I would like to think so. As it is, I will never know.

I do not know now if I will clep First Realm at Festival of Souls this year, either. I believe that I want to, if only so that I can begin the shadow-work that comes in Second Realm. The basics of paganism are just that: the basics, and I am very familiar with most of the elements of said basics, to the point that I find myself unable to read the books assigned for First Realm students. At least, I cannot read them all the way through. I skip around, and read passages here and there, but I have not read them cover to cover.

I need to study the hows and whys of ritual, grounding and centering, and magic in general. I am not set in my path, either, and this makes studying difficult. At least, I have led myself to believe that it does.

Which brings me to another point altogether: my path, or lack thereof. I was really attracted to Asatru when I discovered it last year, and felt that I was on the right path. However, toward the end of last year, and through spring especially, I began to question my devotion to this path. For some reason, I began to wonder if I really was on the right path. Hearing that Jørð was interested in being my patron had a very real effect on me. The earth herself wanted to be my patron. How does one handle this information? Denial and acceptance are the two obvious choices. However, I believe that I ultimately chose a third: I began to reconsider whether I was actually supposed to worship her in her Norse guise, or if I needed to get to know her in a cultural way more closely tied to my heritage: Celtic.1

On my father's side, my ancestry has been traced back to an immigrant named Nicodemus, in the late 1700s. On my mother's side, the Ferrells crossed over to America in 1732, and have a definite Scottish, Irish, and German heritage. While this heritage definitely grants me some leeway on the Norse side of things, it also firmly roots me in a Celtic bloodline. I have always had a massive attraction to the British Isles, the legend of King Arthur, faeries (especially the tales of the Seelie and Unseelie Courts), and learning about Ireland. Even in my most diehard anime fan days, where I wanted to visit Japan more than any other, Ireland was still in my top two, for the reasons I listed.

I cannot live without music. I have learned that this week. Due to the stress of work and the long hours I've put in, I haven't been listening to music as much as I would like, and it caused me to sink into a funk that was dangerously close to self-destructive. Getting a day off from work and listening to music (and spending time with good friends) helped pull me out of that dangerous low. For reasons I cannot explain, music feels very fey to me. It's one of those things I do not question, and that I do not wish to argue. It simply is.

I love storms. I love trees. I love space. I love science (except when it snickers behind its hand at faith). I love the feeling of being surrounded by trees, to the point that the lack of trees was the deciding point for me to move back to Memphis, when I desperately wanted to stay with my mother in California.2 I love the feeling of a cool breeze on my face while sitting outside on a crisp autumn day.

What am I? What is my path? I do not know, and cannot say for certain…yet.

For now, I think I have exhausted my line of thinking for the night, so I will go to bed. Tonight, as I go to bed, I will repeat the following phrase over and over until unconsciousness claims me: What is my path? Show me, and allow me to remember.

I work tomorrow, starting at 9am. I hope to be able to skip out after six hours or so, but I will have to see when I'm there.

Sleep well, my friends, and may your dreams bring you a peaceful sleep, and a refreshing morning.


1 - Brian, being a hard polytheist, will say that Jørð is Norse only, and an earth goddess figure from another culture isn't the same. However, for this one goddess, how can the Norses' Earth be different from the Celts' Earth, or even the Egyptians' Earth for that matter?
2 - I also felt that I couldn't leave my father completely alone. I have a parental loyalty to him that I don't have to my mother, and this confuses and saddens me at times.
tek2way: Art - Handful of Stars (Art - Handful of Stars)
I was scheduled today from 2-11, though I wound up working until 1125. On my way home, I was feeling like I needed to write something, but I didn't understand what I needed to write.

When I got home, and finally checked email, I discovered that I was not selected as one of the at-large members for Summerland Grove. Instead, Krisi and Wendi received the votes to make them at-large members. I'm honestly happy for them, and hope that this development will prove to be beneficial for the church.

However, I cannot say that I am not a little disappointed. In fact, I'm really disappointed. I didn't know I had such an attachment to gaining a position in the Board of Directors. It could be that I felt like I could effect some change from within, and really step up my involvement with the church and community in general. Perhaps I had thought that if I was more intimately involved in the goings-on with the church, I could help head off this disastrous path it is on. I don't mean to belittle the two who got the positions. In fact, I want to go on record saying that I am *NOT* belittling them at all.

Could I have served successfully, given my new position at work? Could I have served ethically, given my disdain for one of the Fourth Realm students? Could I have served the church without falling victim to the corrupting influence of power? I would like to think so. As it is, I will never know.

I do not know now if I will clep First Realm at Festival of Souls this year, either. I believe that I want to, if only so that I can begin the shadow-work that comes in Second Realm. The basics of paganism are just that: the basics, and I am very familiar with most of the elements of said basics, to the point that I find myself unable to read the books assigned for First Realm students. At least, I cannot read them all the way through. I skip around, and read passages here and there, but I have not read them cover to cover.

I need to study the hows and whys of ritual, grounding and centering, and magic in general. I am not set in my path, either, and this makes studying difficult. At least, I have led myself to believe that it does.

Which brings me to another point altogether: my path, or lack thereof. I was really attracted to Asatru when I discovered it last year, and felt that I was on the right path. However, toward the end of last year, and through spring especially, I began to question my devotion to this path. For some reason, I began to wonder if I really was on the right path. Hearing that Jørð was interested in being my patron had a very real effect on me. The earth herself wanted to be my patron. How does one handle this information? Denial and acceptance are the two obvious choices. However, I believe that I ultimately chose a third: I began to reconsider whether I was actually supposed to worship her in her Norse guise, or if I needed to get to know her in a cultural way more closely tied to my heritage: Celtic.1

On my father's side, my ancestry has been traced back to an immigrant named Nicodemus, in the late 1700s. On my mother's side, the Ferrells crossed over to America in 1732, and have a definite Scottish, Irish, and German heritage. While this heritage definitely grants me some leeway on the Norse side of things, it also firmly roots me in a Celtic bloodline. I have always had a massive attraction to the British Isles, the legend of King Arthur, faeries (especially the tales of the Seelie and Unseelie Courts), and learning about Ireland. Even in my most diehard anime fan days, where I wanted to visit Japan more than any other, Ireland was still in my top two, for the reasons I listed.

I cannot live without music. I have learned that this week. Due to the stress of work and the long hours I've put in, I haven't been listening to music as much as I would like, and it caused me to sink into a funk that was dangerously close to self-destructive. Getting a day off from work and listening to music (and spending time with good friends) helped pull me out of that dangerous low. For reasons I cannot explain, music feels very fey to me. It's one of those things I do not question, and that I do not wish to argue. It simply is.

I love storms. I love trees. I love space. I love science (except when it snickers behind its hand at faith). I love the feeling of being surrounded by trees, to the point that the lack of trees was the deciding point for me to move back to Memphis, when I desperately wanted to stay with my mother in California.2 I love the feeling of a cool breeze on my face while sitting outside on a crisp autumn day.

What am I? What is my path? I do not know, and cannot say for certain…yet.

For now, I think I have exhausted my line of thinking for the night, so I will go to bed. Tonight, as I go to bed, I will repeat the following phrase over and over until unconsciousness claims me: What is my path? Show me, and allow me to remember.

I work tomorrow, starting at 9am. I hope to be able to skip out after six hours or so, but I will have to see when I'm there.

Sleep well, my friends, and may your dreams bring you a peaceful sleep, and a refreshing morning.


1 - Brian, being a hard polytheist, will say that Jørð is Norse only, and an earth goddess figure from another culture isn't the same. However, for this one goddess, how can the Norses' Earth be different from the Celts' Earth, or even the Egyptians' Earth for that matter?
2 - I also felt that I couldn't leave my father completely alone. I have a parental loyalty to him that I don't have to my mother, and this confuses and saddens me at times.
tek2way: Anime - Valkyrie (Default)
I worked 2-11 today (yesterday as of this writing), and the day actually went rather well. I was honestly surprised I was in such a good mood for work, given that I spent a great deal of time in the register. Shanita was the evening supervisor and, despite what one would think, she facilitated my work that night, even as I was constantly helping on the front. Score one for me. :)

I borrowed "The Social Network" from Seleena tonight, and it was a great movie. I do not know if I'd want to watch it again, but I'm glad that I got a chance to watch it at least this once. ;) Heck, that's why i'm still up now. It ended only about 30 minutes ago.

I've been giving some thought to the game I've been running since moving into my apartment. It's gone slowly, but it's gone moderately well. I'm about to pass the GMing reins over to Brad for a while, and enjoy some Shadworun gaming, while I work on the next leg of my campaign. The Carrion Crown adventure path from Paizo has some serious potential to be a memorable horror campaign in the gothic style, and I want to use the time I have to make that a reality.

Having this laptop helps a great deal. I can plan ahead for combat, and use Excel for tracking inititative and hit points of the enemies that they're fighting. I can use Acrobat to display the maps/adventure notes/player handouts. Also, I can more easily control the music playing in my gaming playlist. I admit that I'm toying with finding a digital die roller for Windows, so that I only need my books for the game.

Well, it's late, and my day actually begins early tomorrow. I am going to be picking up Scott, running a couple of errands, and coming back to the apartment to play some Magic and work on his Shadowrun character. Sometime during the day, I am going to give Rick's wife a ride to work. Also, there's a chance that Jessi and Brian might be stopping by. I also want to vacuum my apartment and get my clothes folded and put away. Should be fun.

Also, I've been uncertain regarding my faith lately. I can even feel a change in the vibes of the apartment. I am working through "The Druidry Handbook," though I feel distant from the gods. I cannot say whether that's a distance that they are enforcing on me, or if it's something that I'm convinced they're enforcing, thus making it a self-fulfilling prophecy. I know that I want to learn more about Druidism, even though it is not a reconstructionist tradition, because I feel a connection to the divine that is notably different from Asatru.

It's not that I feel that Asatru is a bad fit. I just want to know for sure that it's the right choice for me. People tell me not to worry about the fact that I've not "heard" a deity from the Norse pantheon, but it does bother me, simply because most everyone else implies that they regularly talk to their gods, and I'm not hearing anything.

At any rate, I'm beat. I'm going to bed now, without delay. Sleep well, all.
tek2way: Anime - Valkyrie (Default)
I worked 2-11 today (yestrerday as of this writing), and the day actually went rather well. I was honestly surprised I was in such a good mood for work, given that I spent a great deal of time in the register. Shanita was the evening supervisor and, despite what one would think, she facilitated my work that night, even as I was constantly helping on the front. Score one for me. :)

I borrowed "The Social Network" from Seleena tonight, and it was a great movie. I do not know if I'd want to watch it again, but I'm glad that I got a chance to watch it at least this once. ;) Heck, that's why i'm still up now. It ended only about 30 minutes ago.

I've been giving some thought to the game I've been running since moving into my apartment. It's gone slowly, but it's gone moderately well. I'm about to pass the GMing reins over to [livejournal.com profile] nyminal for a while, and enjoy some Shadworun gaming, while I work on the next leg of my campaign. The Carrion Crown adventure path from Paizo has some serious potential to be a memorable horror campaign in the gothic style, and I want to use the time I have to make that a reality.

Having this laptop helps a great deal. I can plan ahead for combat, and use Excel for tracking inititative and hit points of the enemies that they're fighting. I can use Acrobat to display the maps/adventure notes/player handouts. Also, I can more easily control the music playing in my gaming playlist. I admit that I'm toying with finding a digital die roller for Windows, so that I only need my books for the game.

Well, it's late, and my day actually begins early tomorrow. I am going to be picking up [livejournal.com profile] strieson, running a couple of errands, and coming back to the apartment to play some Magic and work on his Shadowrun character. Sometime during the day, I am going to give [livejournal.com profile] titus_the_mage's wife a ride to work. Also, there's a chance that [livejournal.com profile] una_con_laluna and [livejournal.com profile] marius_98 might be stopping by. I also want to vacuum my apartment and get my clothes folded and put away. Should be fun.

Until next we meet..
tek2way: Anime - Valkyrie (D&D - DL - Tanis)
I just never use my LJ anymore. I'm far more likely to update my Facebook profile for a quick bit of info. The sad thing is that I like updating my journal, at least theoretically. Going back and reading old entries provides a real snapshot into what my life has been like since I joined the LJ community back in 2002.

Still, I've not really been posting. Of course, aside from some minor gripes with work, playing WoW, and just living day-to-day, things aren't really changing for me. I told myself I needed to eat better and begin exercising, because I am not getting any younger. That fell flat. I start that up at least 1-2 times a week, and invariably fail on the days that I work late or (less often) when I'm off. It's a matter of convenience for me. Do I get the veggies out of the fridge, prep them and make something to eat, or do I grab the bread, the cheese, and the hot dogs to make something that will fill me quickly? I suppose before I try to seriously make this happen, I should plan out what I'm going to eat, and make a point to go shopping for what's on my menu. Then, as much as it pains me, I'll need to get up and walk away from my computer. I've noticed a correlation between sitting at my computer and snacking all day long.

In other news, I'm finally tiring of WoW. The guild that I was in was not even trying to progress in endgame content. While we're not a raiding guild, hearing the guild leader say, "it's in the works (or that effect)," and yet never really do anything really sucks. We couldn't even get folks to go read the strats for the two things we DID attempt (Vault of Archavon and Obsidian Sanctum). Couple this with a decided lack of faith by my guild's leader regarding a real life friend and, well, that's that. I rejoined my old guild, Relief Beef, but I can't say that I'm going to pay to renew my subscription on Friday when it lapses.

I got back into LotRO again. What I like about it is that it's like WoW, but isn't so addictive that you can't stop and walk away. I'm on Meneldor with a group of people that the leader knows in real life. Unfortunately, I had lost the account info I used last April when I played, so I got to start all over. :-p I'm having fun with my Rune-Keeper, though.

Finally, I did my first 4e game in nearly 9 months last night. I *do* enjoy that system, for all that it's "not as good" as 3e or 2e. The guys I was playing with asked if we could continue the game on a semi-regular basis, for which I'm interested as well. The only catch? This time, we're gonna rotate the DM activities with the same group of characters, and I, at least, am going to do no overarching plot. Let's just get together, socialize, and kill stuff. :)

Anyway, I work late tonight and tomorrow night, but I'm off on Saturday. Short off day, true, but it's Saturday, and the roommates should be around, so hopefully we can get some stuff done around the homestead. (Though I gotta get a mask before I work outside again.. either the pollen count is worse this year, or my allergies are getting worse as I age.. Last weekend, I couldn't breathe at all.)

Follow me on Facebook, btw. Find my real name, and tell me who you are when you add me.

I know [livejournal.com profile] dragonpurr uses Twitter. Anyone else?
tek2way: Anime - Valkyrie (D&D - DL - Sturm)
While I *should* only be working another half day today, today is still the day that I have to put work clothes on again, and go to work. It's been a rather enjoyable few days. While I played WoW a lot, I made it a point to get up and do a few things around the house and shower first. I also tracked what I ate, and attempted to eat better on most days. Granted, the exercise bit didn't REALLY happen but, uh, baby steps. :)

See folks in a while. (Should be 10am, but I am mentally prepping myself for being stuck there till 3pm. Mainly in a "that way I'm happy when I see what I really work" way. :)
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tek2way: Anime - Valkyrie (Music - Transcendence)
I'd originally asked to go on vacation this week (01/04/09-01/10/09), but was turned down. As a result, I had no idea when I was going to get to go, but I knew it had to be soon-ish, since I'd requested my first vacation officially in either January or February. Then, yesterday I talked about putting off getting into my new habits of eating right and exercising properly (even if it's just walking at first).

Talk about being called out.

I got to work yesterday, and what'd I see? I work 6a-11a tomorrow to do payroll (and I'll be leaving at 10am, you can bank on that!), and then I'm off the rest of the week. Yup. "Vacation" came a LOT faster than I suspected. :) All in all, though, this is a surprise that I can live with.

Now, I am cleaning my room more thoroughly than I have in a few weeks (while I've not let it get nasty, it's not been in tip-top shape, which is what I'm rectifying), getting my laundry done and put away, and planning on going to the grocery store later, so I'll have proper food in the house for next week.

Anyone have any ideas on how to reintroduce someone to vegetables? I'm good about the canned kind (green beans, carrots, corn), but 1) I don't like spending a lot of time cooking or dirtying dishes, especially on work nights and 2) I'm not sure how to prep vegetables in an appealing way (I usually just heat and add 'em on the side of whatever meat I'm eating). I know my biggest hurdle is to get into the habit of eating more vegetables, as they'll fill me up and are almost universally good enough for me that I could gorge on 'em and not suffer ill consequences.
Something interesting I learned the other night is that Low Sodium V-8 juice (original, not the fruit juices) has twice the potassium as the regular, in addition to half the sodium. Oh, and it tastes about the same. Talk about win-win. :)
I have finished sortingmy currently clean clothes away. Now, to start a load of laundry, take a shower, and change my bed clothes, though not necessarily in that order.
tek2way: Anime - Valkyrie (Music - Threshold)
Beginning this week, I have started noticing what I eat, what I weigh, and how I feel. I'm not using a spreadsheet to track exact caloric intake or getting on a scale. I'm just paying attention, where once I didn't.

I realize that I need to lose some weight, and that I would be happier once I lose that weight. Happier in that I know I'll feel better. As it is now, I can tell that I can't do much without getting winded, and that the weight I'm carrying can't be good.

However, I've decided to put off doing anything drastically about it until after I begin my vacation, which shouldn't be more than a month away. Breaking years-old eating and exercise habits will require some focus, and I feel that being free from work will give me the room I need to get used to the idea.

At any rate, I have work now, so I better leave. Another lovely 5p-2a shift. At least I'm off tomorrow.
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tek2way: Anime - Valkyrie (Art (Whelan) - Hourglass)
I'm not entirely sure where to begin. I suppose that this morning is a good place, huh? :)

When I woke up, I fully did NOT want to bother with work today. It wasn't that I didn't get squat for sleep. Instead, I'd done most of my ring errors for payroll yesterday, so I knew I didn't have much to do when I went in. I wasn't going to let myself be late over that, though, so I dressed and got to work close enough on time to be okay (I was one minute late, but the morning checker was like 3-4, the self-checkout girl was 15, and the CSM -- who was doing the end of week paperwork, was 16).

Payroll was as I thought it would be if I was allowed time to work on it during the week leading up to Sunday. Yesterday, I was brought upstairs to get all errors fixed, so that the Co-manager would know how things were going before his off day today. As a result, I flew through payroll, which turned out to be rather beneficial, since we had four -- count 'em, four -- call-ins today. I don't know what was in the water, but that was ridiculous. I took my lunch early, and helped keep things going smoothly until I left at 3p.

One thing happened while I was there, though. I had to call another store to report a new tranfer's hours, since he'd not been moved into my store's Time & Attendance database. To make the call, I had to find their information on our intranet, which lists who department heads/managers are in each store, along with contact info for the store. I was suddenly struck by how many people had worked for Kroger for less than 10 years, yet were Drug/GM managers and Front End managers and Produce managers and so on. I have over 14 years with the company, and in that time, I've allowed myself to be content with working in accounting as a regular clerk. Sure, at Riverdale I was "backup", but that was in name only, and I never took advantage of it.

Back in 1998, a co-manager said of me, "he's ready to be the backup of any head checker in the city." I was 22 at the time. I had my life ahead of me, and that would have been a nice step up. Instead, I deprioritized my job/career, and coasted through it. Apparently, as long as I collected a check, I was okay, even if I griped about how poorly I felt I was paid. I realized today that, every evaluation, I wanted it to say "is ready to move up into another position", even though I didn't want to go anywhere, because that would have taken me out of my comfort zone. That is insane.

As a result, I'm working at a store where I've been shoved back down a rung on the corporate ladder, because they don't know me like my old store did. Because of how I handled things when I first arrived, I'm not likely to see that change. My only hope is to get out of that store or find another job. Honestly, the second option is probably more likely, as that stigma from my current store could follow me. Besides, who would want a 33 year old accounting clerk who can't even be a backup, despite knowing most of the job?

What in the world was I thinking for all those years?
Also, I realized that I want to keep an inventory of what passes my lips during a typical week, so that I can see exactly how badly I eat. I tried to keep up mentally at first, but I realize I'm going to have to keep a log handy (in my wallet), so I can jot down details of what I eat during the day. I will begin tomorrow, now, for sure.

I came home, and decided I'd play some WoW. It was raining, and I didn't want to attempt to start walking or otherwise on a day like today. I hopped on my holy paladin, and flew around Northrend, collecting ore for my blacksmithing. I traded some titanium for more saronite, and got my blacksmithing skill to 448. Tapping into my bank reserves, I bought a few more raw materials off of the auction house, and made my Titansteel Guardian. I've lost a bit of crit, though, so I may wind up using gems to make up the difference until I can begin picking up heroic and naxx pieces.

Having done that, I logged out, made a quickie dinner of a chicken pattie and cheese on bread. :) Now, I'm going to attempt to get some shuteye and relax. My birthday is on Wednesday, and while I *am* off, I work the rest of the week.
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