tek2way: Nature - Daylit Clouds (Nature - Daylit Clouds)
Tonight, I played in our till-this-point-monthly Ravenloft game. It was a lot of fun, even if I spent the game being contrary and avoiding combat. (A dwarf? Avoiding combat? Well, when you take a fireball for entering a room, then take some magic missiles going across said room, only to watch your party mate take NINE magic missiles in one attack, I think most anyone would say "fuck this shit, I'm out!"*

Now, while gaming is the subject of tonight's post, it's also not about this game. You see, tonight was the first time we gathered since my last attempt to get us together to play MY game. Well, when the DM asked us if we were okay going to biweekly, I told them I was, since I had nothing else going on. When he looked puzzled, another player tried to explain that we'd missed my last game, and I quickly responded that I wasn't running that ever again.

Our pizza's arrival kept it from getting awkward, and by the time I returned to the table, I'd resolved to explain myself. I told them how I was just really upset because everyone cancelled last minute. I told them how my work week had been particularly rough, how I'd really looked forward to it, and how I fell into a serious depression as a result. I explained that I wasn't against running something again, particularly a new system (as our DM had just explained for Savage Worlds), but that I needed some downtime before I would run another game.

I'd like to think it went over well. We gamed, and I came home, tired and exhausted, but feeling pretty good (I helped a friend do some stuff related to her moving into an apartment, since I am working tomorrow).

The next thing to aim for is getting them to buy-in on another game at some point. Wish me luck!



* - For the record, I actually played that song when I was telling the DM that I was running away. :)
tek2way: Anime - Ayukawa (Anime - Ayukawa)
Since I migrated my entire journal from LJ over to here, I guess I'll call this a fresh start.

I have been absolutely horrid about posing on my blog since establishing a regular presence on Facebook and other social media. I recall, shortly before I quit bothering with LJ on any kind of regular basis, something that would pull the day's tweets from your Twitter account, and post that on LJ as your post for the day. In our desire to have a meaningful existence online, we have decided to phone it in, and just pretend we are doing anything noteworthy.

Anyway..

Taken together, my LJ and DW-original posts tally to 2000 (1955 LJ and 45 DW, who'd'a thunk it?). This means I just am going to abandon the numbering completely. The idea was to keep up with how I was doing, but I also realized that people who might not see a filtered post would be able to easily figure out that they were cut from one. Besides, it's incorrigibly dull to dutifully number each post like lines on a sheet of notebook paper. You spend so much trying to make everything pretty, that you lose the thread of what you want to do.

In my case, I have become painfully disconnected from my creativity. I struggle daily to come up with ideas that I consider worth converting into some kind of story. I'm easily discouraged from pursuing ideas that I do have. Things just feel... too big. I'd like to dismiss it as a non-issue, but it's honestly gone on for too long. All I know to do is start typing something in here every night, if I can.



Today, though I just bought a plane ticket to go to New York, I spent almost $200 on the Kimagure Orange Road TV series complete box set. I feel horribly guilty about it, but I have a justification for it. You see, I've been watching the KOR TV DVDs on eBay for well over a year. Not only did I never find an English-language box set for sale, I never even saw individual DVDs for less than $20-25 each. That's $280-300 minimum for the series. To find it for only $15 a piece, and from a reputable seller (Goodwill) was surprising.

I still feel guilty, but this is my favorite series, I'm not avoiding paying bills to do this, and this is also something I did with Kevin. You see, back before Kickstarter, AnimEigo had to talk people into preordering the TV series to make it. I went in on the VHS set with Kevin. We technically each owned half of the series, though I think he left them at my house initially. After I fell on some hard times financially, I ceded complete ownership of the series to him. I always meant to get some blank VHS tapes to record a copy, but never got around to it.

Years later, AnimEigo released them on DVD, in what I can only imagine as their swan song from anime publishing, because they folded soon after finishing the DVD releases (in fact, I think I've read that they were trying to get them out before their license for KOR expired). I knew about the OVAs they released, but I never heard or thought about the TV series. So, for years, my OVAs have been sitting on my shelf, surrounded by other anime, but nothing else.

So, I will finally have everything released for KOR in a DVD format. It's something that I cannot deny that I've wanted for a long time, so I will just accept the monetary hit and count my blessings at finding it so cheaply. Next, I will start saving everything I can, for I like having money in savings, and giving my money to McDonald's and Wendy's for the convenience to eat the crap they sell is no longer as satisfying as it used to be.



Well, work comes early tomorrow, so I better call it a night.
tek2way: Music - Souls of Black (Music - Souls of Black)
I am feeling very.. unsettled today. I am definitely feeling tired right now, so it's making it difficult to shake my mood off. In fact, I am going to go read some and turn in. If you call me, I'll answer, at least until I'm unable to hear it due to sleeping.

Sorry this post is kind of light. I *was* feeling it, but when I started typing, I realized I wasn't feeling it after all.
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tek2way: Anime - Valkyrie (Movies (SW) - Yoda and the light)

..I'm actually going to post. :)

First, welcome to [livejournal.com profile] kiyasjoy. She is the awesome, and has FINALLY given in to LJ. :) Welcome, girl!!

My life has been picking slowly back up over the last week. Our manager has been replaced with someone who isn't a world-class douchebag. As a result, I'm enjoying my job more than I was, though I still despise doing the U-Scan full balance.

In other news, I have reactivated my WoW account. I like playing, and I'm eager to see the changes that Cataclysm, the next expansion, will bring to the leveling experience. That said, I've talked to my girl, and I've promised that it won't become a priority.

Also, things are at a semi-standstill in the finding a new place search. Not badly, but I'm trying to sit on my money as best I can, so I have something when I go looking. Tomorrow, I'm going to get that storage unit, so I can move a couch into it that I'm being given (it's heavy, so I will gladly accept any and all help folks will provide). I'm also going to move a lot of stuff from the attic into the unit, provided I can find one big enough that is affordable. I'm thinking about that place on Summer near where Bumpus Harley used to be about 10 years ago.

Oddly, though I should be afraid of moving out completely on my own, I'm actually kind of excited. My own place, decorated the way I want it, with my stuff where I want it, and no roommate to fight over dishes and cleaning with. The place is gonna be creepy, it'll be so clean. LOL.

Thanksgiving is Thursday, and I've been invited to dinner with [livejournal.com profile] dalengwyr and his family. Leigh Ann and Brian will also be there, so it should be fun. The odd thing is that it'll be the first Thanksgiving in YEARS where I am doing something other than going home and brooding in my room. See, the holidays (Thanksgiving till my birthday on 7 January) are a time where I've always fallen into a black depression. Time will tell, but I feel optimistic that that won't be the case this year.

Well, my lunch is running out, and I have to go double check Twitter. *taps vein* LOL. Take care, all.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

tek2way: Anime - Valkyrie (Movies (SW) - Yoda and the light)

..I'm actually going to post. :)

First, welcome to [livejournal.com profile] kiyasjoy. She is the awesome, and has FINALLY given in to LJ. :) Welcome, girl!!

My life has been picking slowly back up over the last week. Our manager has been replaced with someone who isn't a world-class douchebag. As a result, I'm enjoying my job more than I was, though I still despise doing the U-Scan full balance.

In other news, I have reactivated my WoW account. I like playing, and I'm eager to see the changes that Cataclysm, the next expansion, will bring to the leveling experience. That said, I've talked to my girl, and I've promised that it won't become a priority.

Also, things are at a semi-standstill in the finding a new place search. Not badly, but I'm trying to sit on my money as best I can, so I have something when I go looking. Tomorrow, I'm going to get that storage unit, so I can move a couch into it that I'm being given (it's heavy, so I will gladly accept any and all help folks will provide). I'm also going to move a lot of stuff from the attic into the unit, provided I can find one big enough that is affordable. I'm thinking about that place on Summer near where Bumpus Harley used to be about 10 years ago.

Oddly, though I should be afraid of moving out completely on my own, I'm actually kind of excited. My own place, decorated the way I want it, with my stuff where I want it, and no roommate to fight over dishes and cleaning with. The place is gonna be creepy, it'll be so clean. LOL.

Thanksgiving is Thursday, and I've been invited to dinner with [livejournal.com profile] dalengwyr and his family. Leigh Ann and Brian will also be there, so it should be fun. The odd thing is that it'll be the first Thanksgiving in YEARS where I am doing something other than going home and brooding in my room. See, the holidays (Thanksgiving till my birthday on 7 January) are a time where I've always fallen into a black depression. Time will tell, but I feel optimistic that that won't be the case this year.

Well, my lunch is running out, and I have to go double check Twitter. *taps vein* LOL. Take care, all.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

tek2way: Anime - Valkyrie (Default)

Yesterday, I woke in a funky mood. When I went to bed Saturday night, I'd dosed myself with a round of self-pity and no-one-likes-me, with a little I'm-not-good-enough for good measure, and it carried through till I woke. Frankly, I shouldn't be surprised. That was a classic Anthony pity-party.

I woke to a text from my girl, telling telling me good morning (something we do almost every day). However, I'd sent her an email the night before, telling her about some problems I was having trouble working through, so after the good mornings were exchanged, it got serious. We texted for about 30 minutes, at which time it was decided that I should get up, dress for work, and head over, so we could talk face-to-face. I'm glad I did.

In hindsight, talking about what was bugging me is just what I needed, and she did beautifully in listening to me, being patient with me, and giving me the love and support I needed. She really is something special. :)

After that, I went to work, where I learned we have two new U-Scan robots. I'd remembered [livejournal.com profile] marius_98 saying something briefly about it last week, before I shut down all talk of Kroger because I was on vacation. It actually worked out rather well, because we now were allowed another attendant down there. Also, the layout of the new U-Scan is a lot more friendly to the attendant standing in the middle to assist customers.

At any rate, I started my shift down there, and spent most of the first part of the day in a register. This worked out, because I needed the mindless work to get back in the swing of things. Ironically, I felt more... "with it" as far as making decisions and being okay with being the go-to second person on the front (since I last posted in January, the management and the CSM have changed, and I'm now the backup CSM). I must investigate this further...

I went to lunch at the cottage with [livejournal.com profile] marius_98 and [livejournal.com profile] una_con_laluna, enjoying the last little bit of Gremlins while I had my double quarter pounder with cheese. Being in that atmosphere, I was very relaxed and felt very safe and loved, and it helped center me and let me refocus for the second half of my shift.

The second half went smoothly. Even though it was the end of the month, as you'd expect on Hallowe'en, the only traffic we had was from folks buying candy. One guy even said he ne'er ate sugar, so the last kid of the night was going to get the rest of what he had in the bowl. OMG, I would've thought I'd hit the motherlode if that happened to me. #fatkid, indeed. :)

Coming home, I cleaned out the Jeep (which I'd been driving while my car was out of commission), because I figured Charles would be driving it this morning. I cleaned the kitchen, made dinner, and tooled around on WoW for a little bit. When they say things have changed, they're not kidding. I spent the whole time figuring out what I was looking at. It was kinda fun, exciting, AND frustrating all at once. :)

I crashed out around 2-230, and slept till I woke up at 630 this morning, when I decided that I should stay up so that I can get my car fixed. I will sleep a lot better knowing my car is driveable again.

So that's my Hallowe'en, or Samhain to some of my friends. Heh, or "Sunday" to still others. :) I'm gonna finish my coffee (Ugly Mug's Good Vibes, with some Carnation French Vanilla creamer and sugar), and see about conquering my car. See everyone later!

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

tek2way: Anime - Valkyrie (Me - South Park Me)
I am posting again, because I told [livejournal.com profile] tannenwynn I would, though I don't have the heart for much.

The biggest news is that my vacation is over. I work Sunday from 2p-11p. I would have liked to have had at least tomorrow off, but hey, them's the breaks.

Secondly, while the part for my car to get it running right again should be an easy fix, Charles and I spent two hours outside trying to pull it out. I cut my hands up, got ridiculously filthy, and didn't even get the part out, so my car is still undriveable. This has seriously impacted my good mood. Enough so that I voiced a concern with someone in E-mail, when I might normally have said nothing. I can only hope that things turn out like they're supposed to.

In other news, though, I reactivated my WoW account. I don't really want to run endgame, and I don't want to spend all my time playing, but the story changes coming up in the expansion, Cataclysm, are too intriguing for me to ignore. Because of all the changes that have been applies in patch 4.0.1, it already feels like a new game, which is interesting in itself.

Now, I'm going to sleep. Perhaps tomorrow will bring me some peace, at least until I have to go in to work.
tek2way: Anime - Valkyrie (Default)
As I sit here, thinking about how horrible my thoughts got last night (up to and including, "not even remotely good enough"), I realize that I'm seriously over analyzing the whole situation. I have trouble NOT dwelling on relationships and where they may head, but I'm doing myself no good whatsoever. What exactly is the point of running through the what ifs, if I don't even bother with it? To prevent myself from making a fool of myself? What fool? People ask other folks out all the time, and are rejected all the time, and it doesn't bother them enough to whine and cry about it. They shrug, pick up and move on.

I suppose a little mental role-play on how it could go can help you plan what you'd like to say, and what to expect, but to call it off before you've begun, because your mental exercises shot you down? That's like saying "I'd like to go to the store and get groceries, but I might get into a collision on the way, so it's better to stay home and go hungry. At least then I won't have an accident."

It would also help if I kicked myself in the ass and reminded myself that NO ONE is perfect. I'm not. She's not. No one is. That's actually kind of a given. I've even seen in-your-face proof that just because I like a woman is no guarantee that she's perfect (see my entries from January 2005 regarding "M"). She may be pretty and seem smart and kind, and there's no telling how we'd get along, BUT THAT'S NO REASON TO GIVE UP BEFORE EVEN TRYING.

Sheesh, why can't I have this kind of confidence when I'm working, and she's there?

This does lead me to a real decision. One that I genuinely want to follow through with: 2010 New Year's Resolutions. Everyone does it, no one sticks, and blah blah blah. All I know is that I prefer for things to begin cleanly, at the proper start of things or similar. January 1 is about as "at the beginning" as I can manage. I'm keeping them simple and broad, because otherwise I'll fail horribly, and become disheartened.

1. Ride my bicycle on a regular basis, preferably at least 2x a week, if not 3-4x.
2. Go to bed, and get up, at a regular time, even when I'm off, to ensure I get enough sleep.
3. Ignore Charles' food intake, and focus on mine. Adjust it to be healthier, and pass on Charles' dinner plans if they're not in line with my healthier food choices.
3a. Allow myself one night a week to just enjoy what-the-hell-ever I want, allowing for reasonable portions regardless.
3b. Invite Charles and Alicia to dinner if I've made enough, because I rarely follow through with my leftovers.
4. Get my financial situation corrected, and begin making plans on moving out in the next year or two.
5. Get my car in working order, starting with my freakin' driver's side door handle.
6. Quit worrying over what ifs, and just start asking folks. I'll never meet my soulmate if I never look.

That seems like a good place to start, especially since I was originally just going to post about the mystery lady. :)
tek2way: Anime - Valkyrie (Default)

Testing the ljapp again, to see what makes it double-post.

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tek2way: Anime - Valkyrie (Default)
This is just a test post to see if LJ and Facebook are talking and behaving themselves.

I've thought about beginning to update my journal on a more regular basis, and thought to provide a way for those I know to read them, even if they don't have LJ accounts to know.

The get-together at Kevin's Mom's house tonight was pretty fun, up until everyone started exchanging presents. While Momma Dunn got me something I can really use (oven mitt and pot holders), I felt myself withdrawing from the gathering, wishing I was already at home. I felt out of place. Interestingly, Kevin already knew how it felt.

Anyway, I work 5a-2p tomorrow, and I want to make sure to get enough sleep, so to bed I go.
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tek2way: Anime - Valkyrie (Default)
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